7 Biblical Transportation Options for Airplane-Weary Expatriates

by Rachel Pieh Jones on May 17, 2017

I remember when people dressed up to take airplane flights. Now, we just want sweatpants and ponytails (but be careful not to get bumped off for being inappropriately under dressed). I remember when flying felt exotic and fancy but lately it feels more like headaches and cramped quarters and clogged toilets. I keep asking my engineering husband to build me a Star Trek teleportation device but he says he has other priorities.

So I turn to the Bible.

The Bible presents several travel options, for those of us who want to opt out of airplane travel, especially relevant as we enter the summer season of high travel for many. Take your pick.

Run Fast (1 Kings 18: 45-46)

Tuck your skirt or man-skirt up into your belt and run like mad. You might outrun chariots and you might outrun a thunderstorm. Your swag might be a death threat from a queen. No worries, run on!

Fish Cargo (Jonah)

Get swallowed by a fish, nearly digested, and spit up on the land of your choosing. Er, no. The land you absolutely did not choose. But, there you are, undigested, make the most of it.

Be Somewhere Else (Acts 9:40)

Be there. Now you’re here, now you’re there. Not sure how you did it, but there you go. Just go. This could be in response to attempting the Run Fast option, alongside a chariot this time rather than in front of it (Acts 9:29-30). Maybe that made you tired and so this time, you just go.

Flaming Chariots (2 Kings 2:11-12)

Go for a walk with your friend and enjoy a deep conversation. Wait for it, wait for it. Bam! Get swooped up by a chariot of fire, pulled by horses. Your friend might tear their clothes in response but, oh well. These are especially useful for moving between the earthly and heavenly realm, but who are we to limit God? If he wants to move you from Bolivia to Tanzania via flaming chariot, enjoy the ride.

Walk on Water (Matthew 14:22-33)

Who needs to fly over the ocean when you could walk across it? You might get wet, you might take your entire term to arrive, but you will not suffer the indignity of needing to strip nearly naked and be body scanned and shuffling across filthy airport floors in your bare feet. You might see some fishy wildlife. You might even get swallowed by some of that wildlife and arrive faster, and only slightly digested (see Fish Cargo).

The Ol’ Basket Carry (Zechariah 5:5-8)

Have someone shove you into a basket and cover it quickly with a lead cover. This mode of transportation has gender restrictions (women only) and might cause you to be judged severely as the epitome of wickedness. Darn those wicked baskets.

Walk

But be wary the attacking lion, talking donkeys, large bodies of water that may need parting, the possibilities of either she-bears or mocking youths in the vicinity (especially if you are a man and you are bald), avenging angels who might require the removal of foreskin, burning bushes, sudden and blinding light from heaven, and people following you around shouting, “These are servants of the Most High God!”

Happy Travels.

*image via Flickr

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About Rachel Pieh Jones

Rachel was raised in the Christian west and said, ‘you betcha’ and ate Jell-O salads, she now lives in the Muslim east, says ‘insha Allah,’ and eats samosas. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Family Fun, Running Times, and more, and she blogs for Brain Child and Babble.
  • Suzy Baldwin

    hahah i think you forgot the donkey and the donkey cart… and the camels.

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