by Abi Little
This summer on home assignment I was asked so many questions about what it is like to be a ‘missionary.’ What it is like living away from your first home for so long? Do I feel ‘at home’? Will we stay forever . . . all good questions which are hard to answer.
But am I actually a missionary? I used to cringe when people called us missionaries. How on earth could we take on such a title? We are nothing like the great missionaries.
I often think of Hudson Taylor and his team who set sail for China and never returned. Some of his children died of horrific illnesses, and so did his first wife. They literally took their coffins with them on the boat. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been prepared to do what they did. Selfless people. I am only prepared to take reasonable risks. I am English after all. But then again, so were they.
Almost six years ago we brought five suitcases to Cambodia, and we got here via two aircrafts which provided hot meals and movies. No comparison. Maybe, I am a level 10 missionary and Hudson was a level 1 missionary? That would be fair. But can you only be a missionary if you are as brave as Hudson was?
Aren’t we all on a mission? Don’t we all have a purpose? I have so many friends who have far greater responsibilities than me and they don’t get a title. They are living in the developed world and just ‘doing their job’. I disagree. Also, perhaps someone works for a huge company but they quietly share their earnings. To me, that’s a mission. Quietly making a difference. Taking no glory but changing lives.
However, my mum told me that unless she calls us missionaries to people, people really can’t understand why we moved to Cambodia. Placing us in a specific category helps people to understand our motivation for being here and, for that reason, the title is helpful.
I consider myself to be a children’s charity coordinator, and I would call my husband Sam a pastor. I think those titles fit. My title is far less intimidating than ‘missionary,’ although the title and role of pastor is extremely weighty (that is another article altogether).
Why does the word missionary scare me a bit? Well, because it probably gives the impression that I am ‘all sorted.’ (I can hear my close friends laughing as they know that has never been the case!)
A good friend once cried as she told me how shocked she was that all the missionaries she had met were so much less mature than she expected. I explained that we are just normal humans with the added pressure of living in a different culture — hoping to make a difference but fearing we won’t and feeling subconsciously guilty for what we have left behind or caused our children to lose out on.
As I said these words, she stopped crying and said: ‘Oh wow, I never thought about any of those factors. So, missionaries are humans who are living in a pressure cooker?’ I chuckled. It certainly can feel that way.
So, am I a missionary? Well, yes, I am on a mission: to educate some of the most vulnerable children I will ever meet so they can break out of poverty.
But perhaps the question really is, am I anything special? No, I am sorry I am not. I am a normal, imperfect human who lives by grace.
A new friend wrote me a card a few days ago to say she hoped to be like me one day. She said she wanted to live her life for others and not for herself. What a lovely thing to write. And it did mean a lot to me.
But actually she is already living for others. She works to support and care for very vulnerable individuals. Just because she does that in England doesn’t make it less important. Plus, if we are all truly honest, no one has purely selfless motivations. It is a privilege to help others, isn’t it? I gain a lot!
So who am I? I am just Abi. You are just you. But don’t think of the word ‘just’ as a negative. To me, it is a protective word. It tells me and others not to expect me to be more than the sum of who I can be. Actually, being just me is ok. I like it. Just me is a very honest, loving, fun-loving and non-judgmental person. I would have been just me whether I had come here or not.
So, please remember we all have a mission (perhaps some of you have many). We all get to make a difference wherever we are. Just be you as you do it.
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Abi and her husband, originally from the UK, have lived in Siem Reap, Cambodia, with their two children for six years. Three years ago, they founded Grace Church Siem Reap, a bilingual, multicultural church. Abi also established Devoted to Cambodia two years ago, a charity offering free English lessons to children living near the provincial dump. By improving their English, students gain access to safer, better-paid jobs in Siem Reap’s tourism industry, helping families break the cycle of poverty. You can find them on Facebook as “Littles in Cambodia.”
