Amy Young – A Life Overseas |

You Are Not Alone in This Estrangement

My aunt, my dad’s sister and most favorite adult outside of my parents growing up, turned on me a few years after I went to the field. I didn’t see it coming.

She died last month and that’s why I can now share this with you. This is a story about estrangement, about a relationship that wasn’t fixed, and about God’s faithfulness.

Let me back up. With no first cousins and only one aunt—my mom’s brother died when he was 19—she played a special role in my life and the lives of my sisters. What complicates the story is that I come from a family where my mom and dad did not have favorites between my sisters and me; my aunt, however, was the kind of person to have favorites. It was never spoken of, but I knew I was her favorite niece. If you’ve been in that situation as a kid, it feels confusing (why not love all of us equally?) and special to be the favorite (I am the chosen one!).

When I went to China for my first summer program, she sent a check in an amount that was so large it stunned me. It came with a note about how she sat in many “missionary circles” with her mom (my grandma) and heard about China for years; and now her niece was going. It meant the world to me.

That was the first and only financial donation in what became my life of support raising; it should have been a clue. But like many of you have experienced, who gives financially and who doesn’t isn’t always predictable. I moved full time to the field in my mid-twenties and planned to only stay for two years. I don’t think my aunt was thrilled with the faith part of my life, but the living abroad was a great resume builder, so at that point I didn’t know trouble was brewing.

What had once been “three girls” turned into “five kids,” with each of my sisters finding their person—a detail that mattered more than I realized once the math of the family started working against me (more on that later). The two years on the field turned into nine years with me stepping into more and more leadership in my organization. I was thriving, loved my life, and was part of an amazing team.

God threw a tiny curveball. The curveball involved a three-year study leave while still on full-time support to earn a master’s in counseling. On a Saturday afternoon a few weeks after I’d returned “home” but before my studies started, my aunt called to talk to my dad. He wasn’t home, and I was delighted to talk with her. That phone call fundamentally changed our relationship. I remember hanging up and shaking. What had just happened? I called one of my sisters. Later when my parents returned home, I told them about the phone call. Though everyone was shocked and confused, no one doubted my account of the call.

A few weeks later it was like Groundhog Day. Mom and Dad were out when the phone rang. I answered, and after that call I couldn’t imagine ever picking up the phone from her again. My family is a normal family with normal frustrations and fights with each other, but we are not abusive. This was new territory for all of us. Oversimplifying for the sake of space, while my immediate family supported me, no one called her out on her behavior, and I felt left alone to figure out what to do. “Abandoned” is too strong of a word for the situation, but I felt exposed, hurt, confused, and alone in navigating this terrain.

How could one of my favorite people attack me and have no remorse or consequences? How could my family support me, but from my point of view not take a stand and instead choose not to get involved? No one told her, “You may not like the choices Amy is making with her life, but you may not shred her verbally.”

Continuing with the simplifying of what had turned into a complex relational web, to protect myself I decided to not initiate with my aunt. She could have access to my “public” self. I did not remove her from my newsletter list (which, I admit, I thought was big of me) and years later I did not block her from subscribing to my blog or befriending me on social media.

I’d joke over the years that it takes a special skill set to fall from being number one out of three to being number five out of three, but it was true. And we all knew it. One of my sisters moved into number one and over the years reported how our aunt tried to triangulate between the three of us. Later she too fell from number one, but I am grateful that at that time and over the years my sister wouldn’t be played by our aunt’s manipulation. While our aunt has been difficult with each of us, there is something unique about me. Something personal. I am the lightning rod. Of course, I could offer my armchair analysis, but in the end, does it matter? I was the chosen one for abuse, in part, because I was a missionary.

I knew of colleagues who had family members that weren’t thrilled with or supportive of their choice to follow the call from God to a life on the field. But I didn’t know of anyone on the field who cut off contact with a family member because of how they were treated. And it’s not just “how I was treated,” but a fundamental question of “is part of the cost to accept abusive behavior?” What would Jesus do? Cutting my aunt out of my life felt unchristian and Christian. But it also felt like my best option.

Time passed. I didn’t speak to my aunt for ten years.

Fast forward to a hospital room. It seemed likely my dad might die in surgery, and I thought his sister should know. I mentioned this to my exhausted mom, the only other person in the ICU room, meaning, “You call Aunt.” Her response to my volley? “You call her.” And just like that I had a choice. I couldn’t picture one of my sisters dying in surgery and no one having told me; I called my aunt. I called her every day for the next seven days until her brother, my dad, died.

While the silence had been broken, the relationship wasn’t healed. A number of years later, the five of us “kids” flew to Arizona for my aunt’s ninetieth birthday. We all went because she was our beloved aunt in childhood. We went because our dad couldn’t and she was his only sister. We went because in our family, we show up for each other. Nineteen years had passed since I had last seen my aunt, and within five minutes the verbal jabs at me started. They continued for two days.

For the first time however, I had witnesses. The way she treated me wasn’t “in my head” or “blown out of proportion.” It was constant and involved everything about me as a person. The treatment was so egregious that my sister-in-law said upon leaving, “I am never going back. How Amy was treated was awful and I’m done.”

More time passed, and as she became housebound, I’d FaceTime her so she could experience nature, a museum exhibit, or a family gathering. Recently, in mid-August we got the call that she was dying. As I flew to see her one last time, I thought of her birth and of how she was held as a newborn by her mom. Much of our family’s spiritual heritage is because of my grandma. My aunt was held when she entered this world; for my grandma, I wanted my aunt’s passing from this world to be the same. So I went to hold her hand.

Looking back, I can see that part of why the pain has been deep is because what I thought our relationship would look like when I was an adult is nothing like what it ended up looking like. I knew others like me existed, but also like me, they couldn’t share their stories yet, if ever. This is for you. This isn’t a story with a nice tidy end, and it’s ongoing as now we have all of the details that come after a death. Her manipulative tendencies can still be felt, even in her death. Mostly I share so that you know you are not alone.

Do I wish things had turned out differently? A thousand yeses. They didn’t. But the truth in my story is that God saw how I was treated and knew my hurt and confusion and He walked with me all these many years. I trust He is doing the same for you.

What Was Brought into the Light. Now What?

First, thank you.

If you took the survey that informed the Let’s Talk About It: Sexual Harassment, Abuse, and Assault on the Field paper, thank you. Truly. Your willingness to share your experiences, insights, and observations made this work possible. This paper exists because you chose to bring what is often hidden into the light.

And bringing things into the light is sacred work.

Again and again in Scripture, we see that what is hidden is not meant to stay hidden. Light reveals, not to shame—but to heal, to restore, and to make a different way possible. Your voices are part of that work.

We do not take that lightly.

Off the top of your head, how frequent do you think sexual harassment, abuse, and assault are on the field?

One survey question asked participants to describe how often sexual harassment, abuse, or assault occurred in their context on the field. Participants selected from four categories: Rare (once a year or every couple of years), Seldom (a couple of times a year), Common (monthly), and Frequent (almost daily).

To help visualize the responses, imagine one hundred cross-cultural workers standing in front of you, each representing one survey participant.

We unpack these findings and what organizations, team leaders, and people on the field can do with this reality. But from these results, you can see this is topic we need to talk about.

What’s Inside the Paper

With the wide range of experiences and the depth of the reality, we (the authors) wanted to honor the complex reality you may live in.

We started with:
—An overview of the Survey

—Definitions of Terms

—Two Buckets: Within an Organization and Within a Host Culture

—Frequency of Sexual Harassment, Abuse, and Assault on the Field

—How to Prepare and Support People When Sexual Harassment, Abuse, and Assault Is Rare or Seldom

—How to Prepare and Support People When Sexual Harassment, Abuse, Assault Is Common or Frequent

But we also realized that there are “Ten Contributing Factors” to Sexual Harassment, Abuse, and Assault on the field and spent time unpacking each of these with quotes from survey participants.

1. Why People Are Quiet

2. Why This Topic Isn’t Widely Discussed

3. Role of Personal History

4. Power Dynamics

5. Role of the Host Culture

6. Race and Minority/Majority Culture Dynamics

7. Gendered Cultural Experiences

8. Mental Health of Harassers

9. The Ministry Pedestal and Calling

10. Roles of Those Involved

We ended the paper with suggestions for cross-cultural workers, organizations, sending churches, and friends and family members. There’s something for everyone!

Get The Paper

What Readers Are Saying

We’ve begun hearing from readers, those who have taken the time to sit with the data, the stories, and the implications. Here’s some of what they are saying:

I’m so glad you touched this topic through the survey and this report. By that you have given those who sometimes couldn’t share a voice! I pray that this brings change in the way we talk about it and handle these things, starting with myself 😉

What impacted you most?

How common sexual assault by someone in the host culture occurs yet I have never heard people talk about it. That’s crazy

Did any statement, sentence, or section stand out to you? If so, what was it?

The example of a team leader going out of us way to advocate for his younger female teammates, insisting to national partners that they be treated with respect. I had landlords and neighbors in India do that for me (they were not even believers!), but teammates seemed unaware of the necessity of providing that for us.

If someone hasn’t read Let’s Talk About It: Sexual Harassment, Abuse, and Assault on the Field, why should they read it?

It is a great tool for opening a discussion on a topic that has largely been discussed only after there was a complaint filed. It also helps us understand the definitions of harassment, abuse and assault, and helps answer the question people seem to be asking themselves such as “does this count, and as what?”

A New Resource Hub

We’ve also created a few supplemental resources to help you continue engaging and sharing:

✅ Podcast episode: Hear directly from the authors as we unpack key themes and what surprised us most [Listen here]

✅ Graphics: Easy-to-use visuals from the paper for social media, newsletters, or presentations.

✅ Infographics: Clear, shareable summaries of key findings (two specifically for organizations! One geared for you to use in newsletters)

✅ Discussion guide: A tool to help teams and groups process the paper together

Find all these and more when you scroll down this page in the Download Hub.

Our hope is that these resources help you not only understand the content—but engage it in ways that lead to wisdom, care, and change.

Why This Matters

Sexual harassment, abuse, and assault are not isolated issues. They are shaped by culture, power, systems, and silence. And in cross-cultural contexts, these dynamics are often intensified—by distance, dependency, lack of oversight, and deeply embedded cultural norms.

Policies matter. Training matters. But neither are enough on their own.

What many of you helped surface—and what we are continuing to learn—is that this work is also spiritual work. It is about truth-telling. It is about dignity. It is about how we reflect the heart of God in the communities we’re a part of and the systems we uphold.

Where We Go From Here

This paper was never meant to be the final word. It is a starting place.

A way to name what is happening.
A way to listen more carefully.
A way to begin asking better questions.

And now, together, we take the next steps.

If you took the survey, thank you for your courage and your honesty. If you haven’t read the paper yet, you can get it here. If you’ve read the paper, consider who you might invite into this conversation with you. These are not conversations meant to be held alone.

Because the kind of communities we long for—safer, more just, more whole—are not built by accident. They are shaped, over time, by people willing to walk in the light, to tell the truth, and to love one another well.

And that kind of work, too, is sacred.

Why Reflection Matters for Cross-Cultural Workers

I recently celebrated a birthday, and as it often does, it nudged me into reflection.

Paired with the end of the year, birthdays have a way of doing that—causing us to pause, look back, and quietly ask, How did I get here? What has this year held? What has it taken from me? What has it given?

There’s nothing magical about birthdays. And there’s nothing inherently sacred about December 31st. But together, they remind me of something important: what is meaningful is having a regular rhythm of reflection—a moment set aside to notice, name, and remember.

For cross-cultural workers, that rhythm matters more than we often realize.

The Weight of a Cross-Cultural Year

Life overseas tends to stack experiences quickly. In one year, we might navigate cultural misunderstandings, ministry challenges, family needs, leadership transitions, grief, joy, loneliness, and belonging—often without clear markers of closure.

When everything is piled together like that, whatever is sitting on top gets the most attention. The deeper stories—the ones that quietly shaped us—often stay buried.

And because many of us are wired to persevere, we keep moving forward without stopping to ask:

—What actually mattered this year?

—Where did God meet me?

—What am I still carrying?

Without intentional reflection, perspective gets lost. Not just on our work, but on our lives—and on God’s presence within them.

Reflection Is Not a Luxury

In ministry contexts especially, reflection can feel optional or indulgent. But reflection isn’t about slowing progress; it’s about sustaining the person doing the work.

Herb Lamp once wrote that without reflection, we lose the ability to see God at work, lose perspective on our lives and ministries, and lose the joyful awareness that God is with us and not against us. Many cross-cultural workers would say the same: reflection grounds us in truth when life feels fragmented.

Looking back prayerfully helps us notice patterns we missed, growth we didn’t acknowledge, grief we minimized, and faithfulness we took for granted.

Why an Annual Rhythm Helps

Most of us want to reflect, but vague intentions rarely turn into practice. Reflection happens most consistently when it becomes a rhythm—something we return to year after year.

There’s nothing special about when you reflect. What matters is that you do.

An annual rhythm—whether tied to a birthday, the end of the year, or another marker—creates a container. It gives us permission to pause long enough to ask honest questions and sit with real answers.

Structure can help here. Thoughtful questions don’t restrict reflection; they make it safer. They guide us from general feelings to specific memories, from self-criticism to compassion, from exhaustion to clarity.

Looking Back So We Can Move Forward

Reflection isn’t about staying stuck in the past. It’s what allows us to step into the future with intention rather than reaction.

When we take time to process what has been, preparation becomes gentler and wiser. We begin to ask:

—What rhythms do I need to carry forward?

—What needs to be released?

—Where might God be inviting rest, courage, or change?

For cross-cultural workers—whose futures often include uncertainty—this kind of preparation can be deeply stabilizing.

An Invitation

So consider this an invitation.

Not because it’s the end of the year. Not because I had a birthday. But because your life and work deserve to be noticed.

An annual rhythm of reflection—however simple—can help you see where God has been present, honor what this year has held, and step into what comes next with greater clarity and peace.

Sometimes, tending our souls is the most faithful work we can do.

I create a “reflect and prepare” packet designed specifically for cross-cultural workers and you can get it at Global Trellis.

When You Are in the Low

I am not prone to depression, but I am related to people who are. That is not to say that I haven’t had times of despondency related to situation, but I that I understand how for some, depression or seasons—long seasons—of being in the low are a part of life.

No one wants to be in the low.

In January 2024 Global Trellis conducted a survey asking people on field what they worried could jeopardize them being on the field. Out of the eleven areas reported, mental and emotional health were in the top three. (You can read the full report here.) Though mental and emotional health involve more than depression, what can you do instead of hiding your true state or pressing through in those seasons of what author Justin McRoberts and illustrator Scott Erickson call “the low?”

Their recent book In the Low: Honest Prayers for Dark Seasons is a welcome companion for those seasons. The book is divided into five sections with each section beginning with a short essay and then prayers and art related to that area.

The five sections are:

—Reconnecting to Where I am Today
—Reconnecting to What Happened to Me
—Reconnecting to What I am a Part of
—Reconnecting to What I Value
—Reconnecting to What is Ahead of Me

Here are two sample prayers. I love how each prayer includes an illustration (really a piece of art) to meditate on. When you are in the low it is hard to read long passages and concentrate, so bit sized words with an image to linger on, feels doable.

Whether you are prone to depression or not, this book is one that you should get now, before you’re in the low. We’re all going to be there at some point, how better to honor our humanness than to be prepared for it with resources that respect the reality and help connect us to God.

And if you’re in leadership or member care? This book needs to be added to your toolbox. Not “consider adding it”; add it.

As Curt Thompson said on the back of the book, “With In the Low, Scott Erickson and Justin McRoberts have offered the world an artifact of beauty and brevity, ushering us into that chambers of our interior lives that God has occupied from before the foundation of the world.”

Dance Party with Toast

Friends, I was pursuing some old pieces of writing from when I first started blogging and came across this gem :). Anyone else have some toast memories?

Yesterday I bought a new toaster. I expected to enjoy toast this morning but have been surprised by the memories that have popped up as well!

When I first came to China bread was hard to come by. Usually we had it only when we baked some in a little toaster oven. No small feat, which is why we didn’t have it all that often. The bread we made was decent, but variety only came in the form of adding different combination of spices to the white flour dough. Trust me, there is only so much you can do with rosemary, oregano, thyme and Italian Spice!

One Friday night about ten of us foreigners rented the hall on the second floor of the guest house I lived in to have a dance party. Now, when you read “hall” try to picture “big empty room with a few small tables and folding chairs.” In good mid-90’s China style, the floor was mopped using only water and a tired mop that just pushed the dirt around, the walls were green on the bottom half and white on the top, and a few exposed light bulbs hung from the ceiling (half of which were burnt out). Rats were known for being on that side of the building because of the restaurant on the first floor. In all fairness, rats were known for being on all sides of that building, but they were not going to stop a good dance party. Not on that night.

In preparation we hauled our boom box and stack of tapes up to the dingy room and got ready to party like it was 1999, a freakishly futuristic time. You can guess the options for entertainment were few if this was how ten young people spent a Friday night, and you would be right.

Often the highlight of any good party is in the snacks. Someone (and this little detail has not popped back up in my memory) had a toaster! How that person had that miracle piece of equipment in a city that didn’t even have bread is a mystery – most likely it was brought in from Hong Kong –but there it was at our dance party.

More time was spent in the corner making and eating toast than actually dancing. Because only two pieces could be toasted at a time, there were those waiting for toast, those enjoying toast, and those who wondered how long they needed to wait until their next round of toast. Oh the comments and the joy at eating one of the ultimate comfort foods of western society!

The snack had become the favored guest.

Dance we did! Swirling around and marveling that we had hit the jackpot and were eating actual toast. In the land of rice and spice and chopsticks, for one brief night we had bread and toppings and knives. All because we were eating … toast.

What toast memories did this bring back for you? Please share in the comments and we can have our own toast party!

What You May Not Know

Someone near and dear to me, we’ll call her Marla, is fighting an up hill battled at her church to keep you—those on the field—remembered and cared for.

Over the years, pastors have come and gone. Some for natural, understandable reasons and some for reasons that have left hurt, confusion, and chaos in their wake.

Being on the field for any period of time, you are familiar with the ebbs and flows and changes that occur in your sending church or churches. It’s a familiar story for missionaries to be sent to the field from a well-connected and known position. Equally familiar, as the years go by, leadership changes and with new leadership might come new focuses or priorities. You’ve probably experienced a church that sent you with a financial committed that either increased or decreased over the years as your needs, their ability, and their priorities change.

So far, I haven’t said anything new or revolutionary. You know this. I know this.

Lead pastors have come and gone. Mission pastors have come and gone. What the “mission committee” looks like has morphed over the years. They are currently needing to hire several new key staff members at the church and may be shifting who is “responsible” for missions and missionaries around again.

Marla is one of the people at her church who has stayed the same over the years. She’s the one who knows your name, knows your ministry, prays for your kids, and does her best to create opportunities for you to share when you are on furlough.

I have been thinking about her. Probably the majority of the missionaries sent from their church have no idea the meetings she schedules with the pastors, advocating for missionaries. They don’t know of the “battles” (why does it have to feel like it takes so much energy, effort, and girding of loins) on your behalf. Marla reads through the budget and speaks up when your needs might be overlooked and under budgeted. They would be surprised to know that she’s paid a price on their behalf because she’s done it quietly, faithfully, and without a title. So, few know. Most do not.

I share this to remind you that one of the challenges of living far away from those who sent you, is that you probably don’t know of the quiet, faithful souls who are advocating on your behalf. They take partnership with you and God seriously and count it a privilege to be a part of your ministry.

Today, let’s pause, and thank God for those faithful servants like Marla. If you’re thinking, “I don’t have anyone like that.” You probably do, you just don’t know it—because that’s how they roll. Thank God for those who have stood in the gap for you—unseen, unpaid, and unwavering.

Money and Missionaries Revisited: Do You Have a Plan for Retirement?

I first published a version of the following post 10 years ago here at A Life Overseas. Last year when Global Trellis conducted a survey on what might jeopardize you being on the field, debt was one of the areas. You can read the full survey results here—if you scroll down, you’ll find a host of goodies related to the survey. In honor of the inability to prepare for retirement mentioned in the survey, let’s revisit the subject. This can be so stressful, I know. Let’s bring it into the light and talk about it. (Also, if you want to hear a podcast about taxes and missions, here’s one that should give you hope.)

I start this off with a bit of fear. I want to talk about a topic that makes me feel uncomfortable, and I have little expertise when it comes to financial planning, but it is important so I’m going to push past my excuses.

Money and missionaries: do you have a plan for retirement?

Let me set this up with a bit of back ground information about me and what has both formed and informed me after working with hundreds of folks on the field. I’m going to make a list, because lists help me bring (some) structure and order to parts of life that feel large and chaotic.

1_My personal financial history is that I come from a relatively stable, healthy family when it comes to money. Both of my parents are educated and successful. During my childhood my dad started a company that ended up not taking off and then had a serious disease and was unable to work for over a year. Before and after this period, he was employed as an engineer. They modeled and taught how to handle finances when you have a steady income and when curve balls get thrown.

2—I had a strong sense at a young age I wasn’t going to live a “normal life” (whatever that is) and started saving for retirement at 16. Let it not be said that I don’t like to be prepared! I’ve been thinking about this subject for over thirty years.

3—When I went to the field, it was after working in a public school where I had a job that included retirement benefits. At that time, I thought I was stepping out of the system for two years. I was still in my 20’s, so it didn’t seem like I was making a HUGE life decision or weighing much when it came to life decisions. I was simply, taking two years off at a time when two years wasn’t a big deal. That was 30 years ago.

Like me, you might be thinking this is only for a few years so you don’t need to factor in the idea of retirement. Or like me, your journey could evolve over time and “suddenly” it’s been nine years and you think, “Um, this might be a career. When did that happen?!” Or you might have entered the field thinking this was for the long haul.

You can see how any of those mind-sets could influence your approach to money and the long-term view.

4—Coming from the west, money has been relegated to the “private” part of a person’s life. For Christians, two of the greatest areas of shame involve sex and money. We often have such shame about our finances and have no idea how to initiate talking about them, that we end up isolated and ignorant. Which, ironically, only feeds the shame. And then years pass and you might now be in an overwhelming situation.

5—When it comes to missionaries, this discussion is complicated because instead of just the individual/family and an employer, there are often three parties involved.

The individual or family
The sending organization
The sending church (or churches, many churches)

Who, ultimately, is responsible for thinking about your retirement? And then let’s also throw into the discussion that there are many countries represented here at A Life Overseas. Meaning we have a myriad of philosophies and government programs when it comes to retirement.

6—We are Christians who do live by faith and believe in a loving God who provides. Money is not to be our idol, source of security, or source of identify. (But I would also say, neither is ignorance to be our idol, that’s why I want to talk about this.)

7—Though I could share many stories, I’ll share two here. I don’t want us to be so theoretical we miss that we are talking about real people. People like you or me.

First story involves a family of six. A surprise came up with their visa and they needed to pay an additional $50 for five of the family members. When I called to tell them, they freaked out. F.R.E.A.K.E.D. O.U.T. I get that money stuff can be stressful. As I brainstormed with them about the situation, it turns out they had $18 USD in their bank account.

And then it was my turn to F.R.E.A.K. out! Because we so rarely talk about finances, I assumed that others would have enough of a cushion in case of an emergency. Six people on the field with access to eighteen dollars. People, this is not good.

My second story involves a friend who is a mission’s pastor. Because the church had not historically had plans for retirement this mission’s pastor is working with several people on the field who need to retire, but can’t afford to. One situation involves a man with dementia. I do not know him, so the picture in my head is purely of my own making. Can’t you see him? Doesn’t your heart go out to this man who has worked faithfully his whole life? But without much provision for this later state?

///

I am hoping this post is just the start of the conversation. I don’t want to stir up fear or undue concern, but to help bring this area a bit more into the light.

When you think about preparing for retirement, do you have a plan?
Who do you feel is ultimately responsible for your retirement plan? You, your organization, your sending churches, or your government? Have you talked with each of these players and asked their philosophy on their role?
What is your organization doing well in this area? What is/are your sending church/churches doing well in this area?
What do you wish your sending organization or church would do differently?
How have you seen God provide for you thus far in your experience on the field? How does this foster hope when it comes to your finances long-term?

The New Porn (Are You Talking About Sports Betting?)

Dear friend,

As I thought about this post, I wanted to write you a letter, not an article. In December a podcast I follow had a guest episode from another podcast about sports betting. I had no interest in sports betting or fantasy leagues, but because it was on my phone and started playing, I listened to it.

And then I listened to about twenty more episodes about sports betting and kept thinking, “We need to be talking about this in missions work! Why have I never heard anything about sports betting and missions?! Is this truly the ‘new porn’ that may be worse than porn?!”

So, I come to you, not as an expert, but as someone who has tried to educate myself on sports betting and how it may show up on the mission field. I’m going to organize what I know about sports betting into a list so if you’re new to this too, you don’t feel dropped into the deep end.

1—I am an American and until 2018 sports betting was illegal in most places. Thus for many of us of a certain age, sports betting wasn’t a thing.

2—Sports betting is legal in other countries so places like England and Australia are “ahead” of the U.S. in terms of data to see the impact.

3—In 2018 a Supreme Court case said it is up to each state in the U.S. if they want to legalize sports betting. They also said it was up to each state to establish the parameters which means sports betting looks very different across the country. This allows an interesting (unintended) experiment, as State B watches how State A implements it, seeing what works, what’s harmful to society, and the unintended consequences. As of January 2025 it’s legal in 38 states. I found a very interesting map, if you’d like to see where it’s legal. See here.

4—Sports betting was born out of fantasy sports and fantasy leagues. If you’re not familiar, my very basic understanding is that that a group of participants will “draft” players for each position on their team. Let’s say I drafted “Bo Nix” to be the quarterback on my football team. You cannot draft him, so you draft “Josh Allen” on your team. Your fantasy team will have players from any of the team that are currently playing that sport. Like the actual teams, if Josh Allen gets hurt and is out for two weeks, he’s also “out” for your team and you have to “play” your back up quarterback.

5—In its purest form, fantasy leagues are a fun way for a group to connect. But for younger people (maybe 30 or younger) who grew up with fantasy leagues being a part of life, it turned out to be a grooming grounds for sports betting. Because fantasy leagues are not “betting” they are legal for many high schoolers and especially are marketed to boys/young men.

Before we go any further, I’d love for you to have a conversation on your team, just getting the lay of the land (especially hearing from those who are 30 or younger).

Questions could be:

—Is sports betting legal in your passport country?
—When you were in high school, what was the sports betting culture like? Did you or anyone you know sports bet? What was your experience? (Asked with genuine curiosity 🙂 …. I would love to hear the range of stories!)
—What do you know about sports betting? (If the answer is “Nothing.” this is an opportunity for you to learn. I’m convinced it’s going to come to your field if it hasn’t yet.)

Okay, so that’s the groundwork of what sports betting is, let’s talk about how it is different from “traditional” gambling.

6—In traditional gambling, there is a chance you can win. You’ve probably heard of professional poker players. In sports betting, the algorithms learns so much about you, if you get “too good,” they kick you out and you are banned for life from placing a bet. Instead, the sports betting companies will figure out who actually isn’t going to be that good and will make that person a “VIP.” Let’s talk about preying on the vulnerable and those who want to feel that they belong!

7—You do not have to know a thing about what you’re betting on. For example, if I asked you, “Do you think Bo Nix’s first pass will be for more than 20 yards?” and you say, “I have no idea because! I don’t know who that is or if 20 yards is a lot.” I respond, “It’s far, but if he does, you win BIG. Would you like to bet he will?” In many states in the U.S. your first bet is “free.” (For you! Guess what?! The state governments have written into the law they will cover your losses, so the government is actually paying people to bet!).

8—Because sports betting is basically set up for participants to fail, or at least not succeed, the consequences are tragic. We are seeing increased depression, suicide rates, debt, and overall delayed steps into adulthood such as saving for retirement, ability to support a family, having the financial means to live independently or make larger purchases (like a car). At this point, it is far more men who are “trapped” in sports betting, but as we’ve seen with porn, women will be in the next wave. In short, men who sports gamble are not navigating their 20s in the same way that past generations of men have.

9—The podcasts I listened to were not hosted by Christians, so when they said sports betting is horrible for the brain and is going to have much more far reaching consequences than porn, I paid attention.

What do we do with all of this?

For mobilizers

Are you asking if candidates are currently sports betting? If they are, that’s a yellow flag knowing that the system is set up to exploit those who aren’t “very good at it.” Not that it disqualifies them! But are they open to setting it aside while they are on the field?

For organizations

Do you have policies or guidelines about sports betting?
Do you have resources, counselors, or mentors who can walk with those who are currently sports betting and unable to get out of it?
(If anyone in your development or donor relations department sports bets? This is NOT who you want handling your organizations money. Red flag. Run :))

For the church

Are you talking about sports betting and not glorifying it? Are you helping those who are involved in sports betting? Here’s what’s at stake: we need people with healthy money relationships to go to the field. We need people with healthy money relationships to be able to support those on the field!

For those on the field

Talk to your kids about sports betting. They will most likely be returning to colleges or first jobs with others who are sports betting. Ask if their boyfriends or girlfriends are sports betting. Talk with them about why it is likely a yellow flag in relationships. My sister has coached her daughters not only to talk to current and future boyfriends about porn, but also about sports betting.

Talk with your team about sports betting. It may not be a thing on your current team, but it will be at some point and I don’t want you surprised.

Well, friends, that’s what I’ve been thinking about when it comes to sports betting. I don’t mean to alarm you, and I love sports so much! I think that’s in part why I was so surprised. I truly love sports and have noticed so many ads in recent years, but I just ignored them, so I didn’t realize what was going on around me. We don’t need to be afraid, and it’s good to be informed.

What can I do to be helpful when it comes to this topic?

Your friend,

Amy

P.S. Is your organization talking about sports betting?

End Of Year List: 3 books and 3 podcast episodes

I love end-of-year lists! I like seeing something I’ve read or listened to on a list and finding new gems. I’ve compiled two short lists for you in this last-post-of-the-year at A Life Overseas. Bonus? I nominated categories for each book or episode. Happy reading! :).

3 Books I loved in 2024

Surprise Delight

Mostly What God Does: Reflections on Seeking and Finding His Love Everywhere by Savannah Guthrie was recommended by a member care friend who knew I might roll my eyes thinking that an American morning news show host might offer spiritual depth. Sometimes it’s good to be wrong and this was one of those times :)! I checked it out from a library and listened to it. The audio version has a beautiful reflective practice at the end of each chapter.

Most Likely To Make You Annoying to Those Around You

If you’re the kind of person who has to read out loud beautiful or profound sentences to anyone near you, watch out. Echoes of Exodus: Tracing Themes of Redemption through Scripture by Alastair J. Roberts and Andrew Wilson will have you become the most annoying person in the room.

Though the title might sound a bit academic, do not let that fool you! I could not stop reading this and it has become my go-to gift book. If I could, I would buy everyone at A Life Overseas a Copy!

If You Only Read One Book for Personal Growth

You need to make it the Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well by Amy C. Edmondson. I heard her speak at the Global Leadership Summit and needed to get her book immediately. Not all failure is the same. If missionaries grew in understanding basic failure, complex failure. and intelligent failure, we’d be better able to serve to those we’ve come to serve.

3 Podcast Episodes I loved in 2024

Unique Angles on Familiar Topics

I was on It’s Not About the Money: In Search of Grounded Fundraising hosted by Heather Winchell and Andy Brennan and it might be tacky to have this be one of my favorite listens from 2024. But guess what? I loved this conversation and I hope you will too: Amy Young on Your Humanity in Fundraising

When the Path is Hard

When the episode Suffering Well & Walking in Faith: Can You Do Both? with Scott Shaum from Modern Day Missions hosted by Stephanie Gutierrez came across my feed, I listened to about three minutes before sharing it with a friend who is a major season of suffering. Isn’t this what we all want to be able to do? Suffer well and Walk Well in Faith?

Fun to See Differently

Rule Of Life is hosted by Jon Mark Comer in which he and his cohosts dedicate each podcast season to exploring different parts of the Christian Life. the more recent season was dedicated to generosity. Many of us in cross-cultural work are on support or have a different relationship with money than many of our peers in our passport countries. This is the first episode in the series: There is More Joy in Giving than Receiving.

So, those are three books and three episodes I enjoyed in 2024. Leave a comment and help others to start of the new year with a few reads and listen for the new year!

And in the name of generosity here’s a podcast episode from Global Trellis in which we talked with Michele Zintz about reflecting and preparing as a cross-cultural worker at the end of a year.

When normalcy comes in a can

After a year of “lasts” – last Thanksgiving in America, last Christmas, last birthday, last this, last that – the “firsts” began.

It started off slowly. First Moon Festival. Quaint really as my teammate and I were invited to the rooftop garden of one of our school officials. We were served so many peanuts and seeds I started hiding them in pockets. First National Day. It was only a day and not as big of a deal as it has become in the country. First Halloween.

But then the weather changed and almost overnight we went from wearing shorts to wearing all of our clothes at one time. Why did no one close the windows? And who thought restaurants with only three walls was a good idea? Would I ever feel my feet again? Who was the genius behind half a country without heat?

Packages began to arrive with paper turkeys, pumpkins, and pilgrims. If you thought The First Thanksgiving was a production, you should have seen the culture lecture Erin and I put on for our students. Naive and energetic, we wrote skits, required practices, and learned more facts than I’ll ever need this side of Jeopardy. (Speedwell, anyone, anyone?! How about this one, 51 dead?!)

But Thanksgiving is more than a production, it’s a practice. A discipline really. A slowing down and feasting together. A remembering of how great is Thy faithfulness.

A few problems arose when it came to the discipline and ritual behind creating that space. First, we had not yet gotten over the meat market traumatization our first week and the only food we had perfected was frying potatoes. So, eating more fried potatoes didn’t feel special, it felt like survival. Next problem, we had come to China, two intelligent women, without one recipe and Al Gore hadn’t gotten around to his greatest invention of the internet yet. To review, we had potatoes, a few other veggies, salt, pepper, flour and what I had learned to order from the bakery called yellow oil (aka very low grade margarine).

All sounds charming. Except we weren’t on an exotic cooking show cooking with random ingredients (and skill) trying to win a prize. And we were freezing. And it was our first big holiday. And “our people” were on the other side of the world and “our new people” had been in our lives all of four months.

In discussing this and getting a bit depressed and woe-is-us, Mark, the only other foreigner we knew at that point, wondered if Thanksgiving evening we’d like to go out for Beijing Duck. He spoke Chinese and could order for us – yes, oh yes!

Thursday we taught in the morning, had lunch with students and went home for a short rest before joining in the sports meet. In a bizarre reenactment of The First Thanksgiving (in 1621, you’re welcome), we too participated in games, as we found ourselves helping the English Department to a victory in the tug-of-war. Other departments sputtered it was due to our girth. Don’t invite amazon like women if you don’t want them to bring it! We might not have been great cooks, but pulling on a rope, now that we can do.

We went home, changed, and biked to the restaurant. Mark ordered and as the waitress was leaving, he placed a small 8 ounce tinned can on the table.

And that is the moment I’ll remember forever as my bridge from old normalcy to new normalcy.

Eight ounces of a flavor and ritual that linked old Amy with new Amy. Eight ounces that contained memories and assurances. Power and simplicity intertwined with cranberries.

I may have been on the other side of the world with people I hadn’t known long, yet enough was familiar. We were going to be eating a bird. It may not have been turkey, but it was meat that we did not have to purchase raw and figure out how to cook in a toaster oven. The spicy green beans were actually an upgrade. And we were with people we loved, sharing a meal, and remembering the many blessings we had experienced.

Isn’t that like God? To take something small and insignificant and use it. And so it will be for you. I don’t know what will be used this year to remind you that you are still you, you are connected and matter. Thanks be to God for His small mercies to us wherever we are.

2D vs 3D Converstations

The irony of this post is that I wish I could chat with you about it and hear what this idea might look like in your current cultural and team set-up. Instead, I’ll type it out and you’ll read it.

Have you heard of “2D” and “3D” conversations?

A 2D conversation can be easily handled in an email or text. A 3D conversation needs a phone call, video call, or to be in-person.

I don’t know about you, but it feels like I have a zillion ways to communicate with people: email, text, WhatsApp, DMs on multiple social media platforms, Marco polo, to name a few. Some I’m better about checking than others.

The thing about 2D communication is that we can confuse convenience for effective communication. I first heard about 2D and 3D communication several years ago and every now and then I need to pull out this concept and remind myself that not all forms of communication are created equal.

Am I matching the information I’m trying to communicate with the form of communication I’m using?

Have you ever found yourself texting with someone and you are going back and forth on details and at the end of the 15 minute interaction you think, “A two minute conversation would been smarter!” That’s a simple crossing of wires between 2D and 3D communication.

Or wondered why has the world become so polarized in the last decade? One reason is because social media is not the place to have 3D conversations. It’s the place to share updates—2D information—that foster connection.

While I can’t change how social media is used, I can help you communicate with those around you.

Think back to a communication between you and a family member this week. Or You and a teammate. Or You and a colleague. Was it in text, email, or voice? How did it go? If it went well, that’s probably because it was a 2D conversation in a 2D space or a 3D conversation in a 3D. If it could have gone better, was it a 3D conversation in a 2D space?

Regardless of what culture you’re in and what culture you’re from, every culture has ways of sharing information that works well in a 2D space. “When is our meeting this week?” or “Here’s an interesting article.” And ways of sharing 3D information.

If you start to have a 3D conversation in a 2D space, simply say, “Hey, I think this is a 3D conversation, let’s find a time to meet.”

Sometimes all we need is a simple reminder that 2D and 3D communication are valid and important . . . and different.

7 Reasons I love the Olympics

I love, love, love the Olympics! Like many of you, I’ve been both inside and outside of my passport country during the Olympics. I’ve gotten to experience how different cultures and countries both cover, experience, and celebrate them. Even ignore them.

One particularly painful taxi ride in Beijing comes to mind. I was stuck in traffic and the taxi driver was listening to an Olympic summary show on the radio.

Announcer: This is the national anthem when So-and-so won the gold for such-and-such event.

The national anthem was played. It was inspiring and fun to relive that moment.

Announcer: This is the national anthem when THIS athlete won the gold for this other event.

The national anthem was played. It was inspiring and but less fun to relive that moment. Why is the traffic not moving?!

Announcer: This is the national anthem when So-and-so won the gold for yet another event.

The national anthem was played. And I realized that I was going to be trapped, listening to the national anthem on repeat until Jesus came back or the traffic finally started moving.

Did that dampen my enthusiasm for the Olympics? No :)! Here are 7 reasons I love the Olympics:

1. The many flags and countries — Watching the boats with the various countries during the opening ceremony warmed my heart!

2. The athletes and teams who get to showcase their talents and hard work.

3. The inspiring stories and humanizing of the athletes and the obstacles they’ve faced.

4. The inspiring of what I could do with my own body. (As a young child I distributed trashcans around the family room and “hurdled.” Every single Olympics I come away marveling at how God has made the human body. Amazing, amazing, amazing.)

5. The taste of different cultures. In this case, the food in Paris looks delicious and I can almost smell the bread through my screen!

6. Let’s not forget the playing of the national anthems. Though annoying on repeat in a taxi cab, they reflect an athlete playing for something greater than just him or herself. As the athletes stand on the podium and watch the three flags flutter, the athletes look up to a flag that represents more than just them.

7. The surprises! The heartbreak of those who thought they’d win and didn’t. Those who experienced injury or illness at such an inopportune time. And the lesser known athletes who succeed far beyond their wildest dreams.

To my fellow Olympics Lovers, I raise my metaphorical glass to you and say, “To the games and to the many countries we love! May God remind the world how very much He loves it.”