I once sat in a conference room full of Christians when the speaker asked the group if we thought Jesus was an introvert or an extrovert. The question was offered offhandedly – it wasn’t meant to invite much discussion, let alone heated theological debate – yet it garnered an instantaneous and nearly unanimous conclusion: Jesus was an introvert. The reasoning was based on a handful of Scripture passages that mention Jesus going off by himself to be in solitude and to pray.
I’d never considered the question before. I’d certainly spent plenty of time and agony trying to identify my own tendencies. I’m one of those people who’s difficult to define in the introvert/extrovert debate. Years ago the DiSC personality test revealed that I’m a “flexor,” and a recent SDI assessment confirmed that earlier result, showing me to be a HUB.
But I’d never spent much time wondering what kind of personality Jesus had. His character? Sure, I’d thought about that in spades. But whether he made his bed in the morning or left his blanket a rumpled mess? Whether he liked to join an impromptu song around the campfire or sit and listen in silence? Whether he felt at ease or sick to his stomach while dealing with interpersonal conflict? These questions hadn’t ever occurred to me.
After further reflection, I think it could be argued that Jesus was a disciplined extrovert – someone who thrived on being with people but who knew the importance of being with the Father and prioritized time alone with him.
In truth, I could believe either assumption. Introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between.
What I really wonder is how being an introvert or extrovert (or somewhere in between) impacts our daily lives as missionaries?
Consider Paul. He had all the trademarks of a rather social messenger of the Gospel, not only because of the countless people he interacted with on his extensive travel itinerary as a missionary, but also because of the exhaustive lists of people he mentioned and thanked in closing some of his letters. Paul worked with a lot of people and, furthermore, maintained relationships with a lot of people. These are seemingly extroverted qualities.
I’m reminded of an extroverted missionary colleague of mine. She never tired of welcoming people at her door who unexpectedly stopped by for a visit, she never balked at going to another meeting, and she never said no to whatever hangout or last-minute activity was happening. If she didn’t socialize, it was typically because she was already committed to another social engagement. She was well known and well-loved in our community. In a highly social culture, she had an easy time adjusting to the social milieu of this place, and she was able to make connections faster and deeper than some of her introverted counterparts.
And I found myself wondering, “Is she more effective than me, by virtue of being more present?”
But I also had to wonder how she would have fared in a different culture, one where people are wary of strangers and everyone tends to keep to themselves?
God might call an extrovert to a social culture, which is a gift and a blessing because they can bounce from one social engagement to the next and not lose steam. God might call an introvert to a reclusive culture, which is a gift and blessing because they can be at peace with people avoiding them on the street.
But God might call an extrovert to a lonely place, which is a challenge and a struggle because they can’t find an outlet for their social needs. Or God might call an introvert to a communal place, which is a challenge and a struggle because they can’t get enough time for themselves to recharge before reentering the fray.
God gifts each of us in certain ways and invites us to minister out of our strengths, but he also equips each of us despite our limitations and invites us to minister out of our weaknesses.
Obviously, there are strengths and weaknesses to being an introvert or extrovert (or something in between), and the strengths of each serve the Gospel in different ways. And, yes, I think some cultures are a more seamless fit for either introverted or extroverted tendencies, but that doesn’t mean one is better than another.
Sometimes, like Paul, we have to stretch ourselves to be all things to all people. Extroverts need to introvert. Introverts need to extrovert. We become all things to all people, including practicing the parts of our personality that we usually define as the weaker parts.
Similarly, we must also be wary of overdoing our strengths. I know of a missionary who extroverted so much that he neglected his responsibilities, including failing to report to his mission organization and connecting with supporters. And I know of missionaries who introverted so much that they did nothing outside of their required ministry obligations and therefore had limited relational depth or impact.
Do extroverts make the best missionaries? Not necessarily. Extroversion might be a particular asset in a particular place and time, but it cannot be assumed that extroversion outweighs introversion in a cross-cultural mission context.
A similar question might be asked: do singles make the best missionaries? After all, they don’t have the added responsibilities of meeting the needs of a spouse or children. Paul said as much in 1 Corinthians 7. He also exemplified a life with complete freedom to come and go and socialize and pour into relationships all day and all night if he wanted to. He was not nearly as limited as a married person.
Sometimes I’ve wondered how much less effective I am by the simple virtue of being married with kids. Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely defensive of the notion that my ministry of discipling my children at home is of utmost importance and is building the Kingdom just as much as anything else. But mostly I’m impressed at how much single missionaries are able to accomplish compared to me.
Jesus himself was single, as was Paul. And as far as we know, all the disciples were unmarried except for Peter. Although being married doesn’t disqualify anyone from having an impactful and fruitful ministry – think of the notable example of Peter, as well as Aquila and Priscilla – being married has its drawbacks, namely a necessary division of labor between familial obligations and ministry outside the home.
Do singles make the best missionaries?
Do single extroverts make the best missionaries?
My colleague was not only extroverted, but single. She was a powerhouse of time and energy. What she was able to accomplish in a day was far and above my own capacity. But although she excelled in being with people and having time for any number of projects, she had limitations in other areas.
Strengths and weaknesses, weaknesses and strengths.
I found myself supremely thankful for my single, extroverted colleague, who sat on a committee I had no bandwidth for. Likewise, she expressed her awe and gratitude that I led our community Bible Study, which requires hours by myself to study and prepare for in addition to the social time at the actual Bible Study. Regularly, this colleague with extra social capital to spend would hang out with my kids and play games which freed me to do any number of other things that needed doing.
In short, we both had valuable strengths to offer, and we held each other up in our weaknesses.
So, who makes the best missionary? Or to phrase it another way: who makes an effective missionary?
Extroverts, introverts, marrieds, and singles.
Regardless of our God-given personality or marital status, the Kingdom is best served when we employ our strengths and allow others to do the same.
So let’s offer our strengths and support each other in our weaknesses, and in so doing, build up the Kingdom in whatever corner of the world the Lord has invited us to serve.
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