by Abi Little
Here is a tricky question to answer: ‘Do your kids like living in Cambodia?’
I was asked this question so many times last year when we were in the UK. It is such an important question but not one that is easy to answer.
It’s hard to explain the nature of moving your kids to another nation yet knowing they are likely to go back to nation number one eventually. Once you choose one transition, you inevitably choose many more. Domino effect.
The first thing I always say is that both of our kids would answer this question differently. The youngest came here when she had just turned five. Many of the ways she analyses and interacts with the world is very Cambodian in style. She knows to be respectful of older people, but she plays out with the local kids every day, speaking pigeon Khmer whilst using anything they can find to create elaborate and messy games. She has an accent which isn’t European or Asian but isn’t British either.
And when we were in the UK, we joked that she was like a foreigner in a new land. She made comments like ‘I didn’t know there were fat brown cows in England’ and ‘Superdrug? What on earth do they sell in there? Drugs?’ My favourite statement was: ‘I don’t like trains. I always feel they are going to go without me. The tuk tuks wait for us!’
Does our youngest daughter like Cambodia? Yes, very much because she was young enough when we arrived to adjust quickly. Does she like England? Yes, very much so. But when we visit, we only do nice things. What would she make of ‘real’ life?’ What will she feel when she eventually returns? She will probably find it a huge adjustment. As will we.
How about our older daughter? She had just turned eight when we arrived and was very much attached to her life in the UK. She loved her school and her friends, our church, and, of course, family. She was always able to maturely articulate the loss she felt when we moved. But still, she got on with life in Phnom Penh. She made beautiful friends, but then those friends left. (People come and go so often here.) Then we moved again. I know I felt huge amounts of guilt for this. But she has grown into such a dynamic, funny, hardworking, kind and interesting human.
About eighteen months ago, she told me she finally felt that God had a purpose for her in Cambodia too, not just for us, and that she was glad we had come here.
She has beautiful friends, she loves church, and she has had amazing opportunities. But her heart is still divided. However, even at almost fourteen years old she can now, not only articulate well what she has lost, but can also recognise all that she has gained.
Our children are and will always be TCKs. Third Culture Kids. They no longer inhabit their first culture, and they don’t entirely own their second one. They will always be shaped by both and identify in different ways with each. That’s not easy.
Children face change even if they stay in one place. But we recognise that the change we effectively caused them to go through was huge and will impact their futures. For the good, yes, and also for the heartache that will inevitably come—for there will be loss again. That is hard to live with as a parent. But that doesn’t mean we made the wrong decision. It’s way more complex than that.
My husband Sam and I agreed we would always be understanding, kind, and loving when they expressed their feelings about this move or the next. That their feelings (even if they felt/feel upset with us) are fair and valid.
So, do our children like Cambodia? Yes, very much. Is it easy to be a TCK? No, it has its challenges. Are there rewards? Absolutely!
But is it easy to handle change? For most, no. But aren’t there amazing and exciting and wonderful things to be learned when we go on an adventure such as this? To be surrounded by people who teach us new ways, new perspectives, new values? What a blessing.
Our kids are TCKs. Our kids are our kids (and in many ways they are like us). Our kids are robust because of their varied and unusual experiences. And our prayer is that God will use it all for good.
Do our children like Cambodia? Yes! Do they like England? Yes! Are they glad they are TCKs? Yes and no. What does this make us as parents? Well, as Christian parents we trust that God has a plan for their lives and He will guide their paths, and we hope to help with that.
So do our kids like Cambodia? Yes! And . . .
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Abi and her husband, originally from the UK, have lived in Siem Reap, Cambodia, with their two children for six years. Three years ago, they founded Grace Church Siem Reap, a bilingual, multicultural church. Abi also established Devoted to Cambodia two years ago, a charity offering free English lessons to children living near the provincial dump. By improving their English, students gain access to safer, better-paid jobs in Siem Reap’s tourism industry, helping families break the cycle of poverty (See Littles in Cambodia on Facebook).
