Sometimes I feel the weight of missions on my shoulders, as though everything were up to me. I forget that God is always working. But scenes from three friendships remind me of particular moments when God showed me a glimpse of who He is and of what He is doing. These experiences have taught me that even when I’m weak and failing, when my expectations aren’t being met, and when I’m unable to see the threads God is weaving, He is working.
Weakness
One day early into my first term in Japan, I felt particularly down and discouraged by my lack of progress in language learning. I was meeting with a friend who was interested in both English and reading the Bible together, and we had been slowly working our way through the book of Mark—me choppily, painstakingly reading a few verses in my Japanese Bible and her reading much more fluently in English.
That day I said, “Today’s reading is in Mark 5. But can you read the whole passage in Japanese while I try to follow along?” I thought but didn’t add, “Rather than once again butcher your beautiful language with my exhausted brain and fumbling tongue?”
From the moment my friend started reading, I was completely lost. I tried and failed to hear a single word I knew so that I could catch up. Because I was too embarrassed to ask her to stop and help me, she kept reading. Finally, I heard the words “eye” and “hand,” and I understood that she was in Matthew 5 rather than Mark 5. I stopped her (around verse 30!) and apologized for wasting her time reading the wrong passage. I remember feeling ashamed for being found out for pretending to follow along when I was so lost.
She then suggested that we just chat for a little while rather than read the passage in Mark. Yet after only a few rather uncomfortable minutes, she left abruptly, leaving me confused as to why she wasn’t acting like her usual warm and cheerful self. I went home feeling dumb and embarrassed—and grumpy toward the Japanese language and God and everyone and everything.
Weeks later my friend, who was in a difficult marriage, told me her side of what happened that day. She was being actively pursued by a man who wasn’t her husband and felt flattered and more and more tempted by him. Yet the Holy Spirit used the “mistake” that day of reading, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:29 NIV) to convince her to do something drastic and cut off all contact with the man. She told him that she wouldn’t talk to him anymore, blocked his number, and resolved to remain faithful to her husband.
When I remember this incident many years later, I am still amazed that God used me in spite of and even because of my weakness. If my Japanese had been better, I would have realized the mix-up and stopped her much earlier. Moreover, if I had been less insecure, I would have admitted my confusion sooner. How good of God to not just accept my weaknesses but to use them. And how kind of God, in this case, to allow me a tiny peek into seeing Him convict, protect, and strengthen my friend.
Expectations
Also early into my first term here, I met a woman at weekly trash pickups at a nearby beach. Over time we started meeting together to read the miracles of Jesus from the book of John. I had a cheat sheet with the simple questions in Japanese: What does this passage say about God? What does this say about us? And how can we respond to what we read?
I remember being particularly excited to talk with her about Jesus feeding the 5,000 in chapter 6. It’s one of my favorite passages, and I was ready with my answers to the questions even before she arrived. I was prepared to say that Jesus is not surprised or disappointed by how little we can offer because He delights in taking it and turning it into abundance. I was also eager to talk with her about the metaphor of Jesus being the bread of life—nourishing, sustaining, and delicious—and pictured her amazement.
After we read the passage together, my friend’s reaction was quite different than what I expected. She sat quietly for a moment then said, “Wow, Roberta. Jesus is so considerate and kind. He made sure they were in a grassy place” (referencing verse 6: “There was plenty of grass in that place”). Now, ten years later, I am less shocked by her reaction as I’ve learned that these qualities are noticed and appreciated by my Japanese friends. But at the time, I imagine I responded with, “Yeah, yeah, but what about the real miracle?” To which she came back with, more strongly this time, “Yes, but what about the grass?”
As I remember this moment and her quiet wonder, I think about my tendency to be overly confident about how people will respond to Scripture. In this instance, I expected that what I received from a passage would be what she would (and should) receive, too. Yet over time I am learning to be more open-handed, expecting God to work and yet aware that it will likely not be what (or how or when or even with whom) I expect.
This mystery is something to celebrate and anticipate: we get to see people from different cultures, families, and contexts interact with the Word of God. Hopefully our response is increasing wonder and gratitude at how we grow through getting to read Scripture together.
Confusion
Shortly after we moved into our new neighborhood, I forgot my house key and was impatiently waiting in front of our house with our two very wiggly toddlers for my husband to arrive. A young woman walked by with her dog and stopped to introduce herself. I expected small talk about pets, the weather, and language learning. She instead surprised me by asking if we could introduce her to Christians because she had recently become interested in learning more about Jesus. I remember being shocked and sputtering and stammering my excited reply.
Over the next few weeks and months, we met regularly for Bible study, but we also talked about Justin Bieber (she knew a lot more about him than I did), dads, and Anne of Green Gables. We talked about the gravity of the moon, her experience related to the tsunami in March 2011, and why it’s important that water expands when it freezes rather than contracts. I often felt like our conversations were all over the place and was certainly not connecting the dots about how these topics and conversations were somehow pointing her to Jesus. Yet within a year, she shared her testimony in front of the church and was baptized.
While I was not able to see how these topics were connected to her growing faith in Jesus, I now happily recognize that God was working, wooing, and connecting the dots. Everyone has their own journey—and God uses forgotten house keys, Justin Bieber, scientific principles, and frizzy foreigners as part of people turning to Him.
While all three of these women have made declarations of faith, they are at different stages of becoming courageous, faithful, and faith-filled followers of Jesus. Yet I’m thankful for what God did in me through their friendships, their curiosity, and their responsiveness to God.
When we are struggling with language and other areas of weakness, God is working. When we are holding on too tightly to our agendas and wanting to control how people respond to God and His Word, He is working. When we are not seeing connections or understanding people’s processes in turning to Jesus, God is working. He was working, is working, and will continue to work—in these women and in all of us.
