It’s the time of year for travel. For some, winter trips, for others, summer, for all, a chance for a melt-down.
Traveling is a perfect time to use HALT-B. You can easily tick it off on your fingers:
—Hungry
—Angry
—Lonely
—Tired
—or Bored
HALT-B stands for things that can lead us to make poor choices. Poor choices can lead to sin and distance and shame and regret. While none of us are at our best when we are hungry-angry-lonely-tired-or-bored, some will be easier to roll with than others.
The granddaddy of them all for me
When I’m lonely, yeah I’m lonely but I’m not as likely to do something that I will later regret and potentially have to confess. When I’m hungry I can get a bit testy; but the granddaddy of them all is when I’ve had a long day and all I want to do is go to bed. I am not at my most lovely late at night. To say I’m not a night person would be, um, a colossal understatement.
For me, it’s when I’m tired that I’m most likely to say something that I know—usually immediately—I shouldn’t have said.
Here’s an example that involved traveling. It had been a long day (note to self, pay attention!) and I had returned to my hotel from a hot-pot banquet with about an hour before bed. A friend at the banquet later emailed me that I looked tired near the end, but she didn’t think anyone but her had noticed. I’ll be honest, whether I looked tired or not was the least of my concerns during the meal! As the guest I kept getting served lots of organ meat. My primary concern around the communal hot-pot wasn’t whether they thought I was tired, but whether or not the hosts were noticing how much pig’s stomach I was trying to hide in my dipping sauce!
So, yes, I was tired and ready for bed.
When I got back to the hotel another co-worker called because she had had a rough day and needed to process it a bit. I like this co-worker and am glad to walk through the up’s and down’s of growth and change. She was sick and when she’s not at her best (HALT-B), she can be extreme in the way she talks. Her health will NEVER recover. She’s a burden to everyone she’s ever met. Darth Vader had more friends than she does.
When she gets like this I can usually use mild sarcasm to reflect back to her the absurdity of her statements. Note the use of the word ‘mild.’ Tiredness can take mild and—if I’m not careful, bypass moderate and land on caustic—sarcasm before Princess Leia’s hair comes into it! (Why did she have to reference Darth Vader, I annoyingly wondered!)
That evening I was cruising towards caustic when she rightly said, “Wow, you’re a bit sarcastic tonight.”
She was more than a bit generous and gentle. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit confirmed her admonition and I was able to dial it back to mild. I know I don’t do well with tired. Late at night I’m good in a crisis, not in a deep conversation and if I’m not on guard, what starts off as merely a foolish choice of words can end in blatant, distance causing sin. Confession can be made and distance closed, yes. However, how much lighter and freer to be able to go to bed or face the next morning without regret.
As you get ready to travel, which is your greatest stumbling block: hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or bored? Knowing which one is likely to lead you to be less-than-your-lovely-self can help you prepare, especially on the road!
