- Purchase plane tickets.
- Signup for the 30 day free amazon prime membership.
- Pull out suitcases.
- Give yourself a pep talk: You can do this.
- Make the “I promise to still love you at the end of this” pact with your spouse and children.
- Ask children to compile their most special belongings for packing.
- Check the packing list you wrote pre-furlough. Trust yourself. You really do need that much foot powder.
- Designate special packing area.
- Instruct family members to place items they wish to bring in the designated area.
- Re-check airline baggage allowance.
- Take a deep breath.
- Eat a slice of cheese cake. After all, you won’t have cheese cake for two years.
- Begin placing items in suitcases.
- Wonder: Why are there six nerf guns in the designated packing area?
- Tell son to pick one nerf gun.
- Console devastated son.
- Tell son to pick two nerf guns and promise to try for three if space allows.
- Feel incredibly guilty for depriving your child of a “normal” childhood.
- Eat a Mars chocolate bar. After all, you won’t have Mars bars for two years.
- Buy sporting equipment you may or may not need so you can take advantage of the free sports equipment luggage allowance.
- Pack vitamins and home schooling books in the box with your sporting goods.
- Ask your spouse to sort through their clothing.
- Sort your clothing.
- Sort your children’s clothing.
- Irritate your spouse by asking them to sort their clothing again as you can’t possibly allocate suitcase space to 7 pairs of trousers.
- Become irritated by your spouse’s rebuttal of, “Well what do you need all those shoes for?”
- Take a nap.
- Make a fancy flavored coffee. After all, you won’t have fancy coffee again for 2 years.
- Pack spouse’s 7 pairs of trousers as you absolutely need those shoes.
- Open door to unexpected visitor.
- Internally panic over visitor’s goodbye gifts to your children.
- Change subject when in front of gift giving visitor your child eagerly asks, “Can we pleeeeeeaase bring it with us?”
- Place last item in suitcase #1 and zip closed.
- Congratulate yourself on successfully achieving a perfectly packed suitcase with .5kilos spare as an airport scale discrepancy buffer.
- Eat celebratory cheese cake. Same reason applies as to the previous cheese cake.
- Order new bedding online.
- Order pecans.
- Order duck tape.
- And Christmas stockings.
- And bug bite cream.
- And dental floss.
- Give passionate justification for pecan purchase to spouse who does not care for pecans.
- Eat another Mars bar. You didn’t like how testy your spouse got over the pecans.
- Place final items in suitcase #2.
- Congratulate yourself on another perfectly packed suitcases and the spare .5kilo airport scale discrepancy buffer.
- Eat celebratory cheese cake. Tell yourself you’ll diet again overseas.
- You are 48hours pre-takeoff. Give up any sort of responsible parenting and let children watch cartoons all day.
- Place final items in suitcases #3 and #4.
- Congratulate yourself on perfectly packed suitcases with 24hours to spare.
- Enjoy a peaceful night sleep, secure in your super packing capabilities.
- 8 hours pre-takeoff: Cry real tears as your spouse and children bring their “Oh wait! I forgot this…and this…and this…” items to the previously empty designated packing area.
- Attempt to ignore intrusive items. Maybe they’ll disappear if you just don’t look at them.
- Console yourself with cheese cake.
- 4 hours pre-takeoff: You are out of time. Haphazardly stuff additional items into previously perfectly packed suitcases.
- 3 hours pre-takeoff: Leave for airport praying for an airport scale miracle.
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At the time of this writing, my family is 24 hours pre-takeoff. We’ve given up responsible parenting in favor of all day Ninjago and Peppa Pig re-runs. Our 4 suitcases are perfectly packed… or so I think.