If you are anywhere near a movie theater showing recent releases this summer, you absolutely must take yourself and your family to see Inside Out.
This is not a movie about kissing the handsome prince or surviving an amazing outdoor adventure or defeating the bad guys.
This is a movie about how to have a healthy, mature emotional life–and it all comes to you in gorgeous, entertaining Pixar wonderfulness.
The set-up for the movie is this: 11-year-old Riley and her parents move from Minnesota to San Francisco for dad’s job. The real action, however, takes place on the inside of Riley, as her personified emotions interact.
Joy (voiced by Amy Poehler) is Riley’s primary emotion. Riley’s had a great childhood, and she’s a happy kid. Joy’s in charge with all kinds of energy and enthusiasm, and, as far as everybody knows, that’s perfectly wonderful.
Of course, every kid gets angry or scared or disgusted at times, and Joy understands what those emotions are for: protection and safety and social belonging.
Sadness, though? Sadness is just kind of blobby and lethargic and unattractive.
Joy keeps all the other emotions on task and on target, but she doesn’t know what to do with Sadness. And Sadness doesn’t know what to do with herself, either. Nobody knows what sadness is for.
At one point, Joy draws a chalk circle and tells Sadness to just stand inside the circle. But, as Riley struggles through a tough transition, Sadness keeps escaping.
While Joy is a wonderful character and you just love her to pieces, there’s this one moment when Joy says, “I just want Riley to be HAPPY.” You realize: wow, if Joy doesn’t get a hold of herself, this could get ugly and self-centered very quickly.
Joy is missing something, and we all eventually realize that Sadness has some very special abilities that Joy lacks:
Sadness has explored the deep parts of the brain that Joy’s been too busy to deal with.
Sadness is able to empathize with the sadness in others.
Sadness draws people together for comfort and care.
You guys, I’m a counselor. I see a fair number of adult TCK’s. And one of the most common problems that adult TCK’s bring to therapy is unresolved grief–and in general, a lack of understanding and acceptance of emotions like sadness and anger.
I think a lot of times, TCK’s are encouraged to BE HAPPY about their awesome life. Of course we want our kids to be happy! And many times their lives are awesome!
It’s just that, in order to deal with the realities of transition, separation, and loss, our kids need better emotional tools than forced happiness.
They need to be able to deal with their sadness and fear and disgust and anger in productive ways as well.
The great gift of Inside Out is this. You can take your kids to a movie they will enjoy, and at the same time create a shared emotional language for your family.
(Of course, while your kids learn to deal with their emotions, you’ll have to deal with yours as well. Because we are the grown-ups, and we don’t ask our kids to do what we won’t do.)
If you’re anywhere near a movie theater this summer, go. If you’re nowhere near a theater, get Inside Out on your wish list for Christmas. Your family dynamics will thank you later.
INSIDE OUT: SUGGESTED DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Talk about the emotions you saw inside of Riley.
What does each emotion (Anger, Disgust, Fear, Joy, Sadness) do for Riley?
What happens on the outside of Riley’s life, and how does that make her feel on the inside?
Think about a time when you were upset like Riley was. What happened on the outside? What emotions did you feel on the inside?
How did Riley’s friends react when she moved away? Tell me how your friends have reacted when you’ve moved away. Has it been hard to maintain friendships? What helps? What makes it hard?
Why do Riley’s Mom and Dad say things like “Where’s my happy girl?” How did that make you feel?
After Riley gets upset at the dinner table, her dad comes to her room. Did it feel like Riley’s dad was being fair to her? Have you ever felt misunderstood, like Riley did right then?
What did you learn about Sadness in this movie? How has Sadness been a part of your life?
When you feel sad on the inside, how do you act on the outside?
Which of the emotions do you think is your main emotion right now?
What helped Riley feel close to her parents again? What helps you feel close to your family?