by Aylin Merck
Recently I found an encouragement I had written for moms seven years ago. As I read it again, I was struck by the confident tone in it. While I believe now every word I wrote then, I think what strikes me most is how the parenting job description then seemed so clear compared to what it seems like these days.
When our kids are young, it is so tiring but also straightforward what we are supposed to do:
- Change diapers – check
- Feed them 6 times a day – check
- Make sure they are safe – check
- Keep their closet stocked with the right kind of seasonal clothing – check
- Play with them, read them a book, snuggle – check check check
But as they grow out of childhood and become teens, our job description becomes less precise. Discipleship moves toward coaching. Our kids’ needs in some ways also become more complex, and for moms of TCKs and neurodivergent children, that is especially so.
Navigating our children’s insecurities, moods, dating sagas, depression that won’t lift, relentless anxiety, loneliness, and potential need for accommodations while also honoring their agency tests our confidence to do this job.
For someone who has historically found belonging through usefulness and emotional safety through not missing the mark, the ambiguity of parenting teens in really difficult waters can make me feel faint of heart. When my words don’t seem to help my child, when the transitions mount faster than we can process well, when my window of tolerance has shrunk, when I don’t have the answers to their deep doubts, I want steady ground beneath my feet, the kind that used to come from the confidence I was exceeding, or at least meeting, the standard. If I can’t have that confidence, am I even the right person for the job?
And is there joy for me here? When the wins are not easily obvious. When my kid is angry at me or feels terribly misunderstood by me. When the proverbial report card from my teen kid seems to be “E” for effort. In those times, can I still breathe in deep peace and exhale deep trust?
A few years ago, as I read Matthew, a little phrase in the Great Commission caught my eye:
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:16-20)
The original eleven disciples had spent extended time with the Risen Christ by the time Jesus instructed them to meet him on this mountain. They had eaten with him (Luke 24:30-32; 42-43; John 21: 13-14), had touched his scars (John 20: 26-29), and heard him explain the prophecies made about him. He had opened their minds to understand Scriptures (Luke 24:45).
And yet, when they came to him in this scene, some doubted.
I will someday thank Matthew personally for preserving this. Even as some saw the Risen Son of Man with their actual physical eyes, they doubted. Thankfully, Matthew also preserves Jesus’ deep mercy offering them both his presence and power, inviting them to partner with him in the job of reconciling all things to himself.
In his gentleness and lowliness of heart (Matthew 11:28-30), he offers the same promise to all of them:
I am with all of you, always — when you are sure of me and when you are not, when you fumble in the dark and when you know exactly what to do, when you see me clearly, and when you don’t — I am with you always, to the very end of time. (Matthew 28:20, paraphrased)
Jesus knows that among those who follow him, there are some who doubt his presence, his nearness, his power and therefore question this mission to make disciples (or at least his mission as it is entrusted specifically to us). Yet while it is so easy for us to be moms (and disciple makers in general!) who doubt, this is the ground beneath our feet: we have been baptized into the Triune God. He has brought us into his life, deep friendship and mission.
Belonging to His kingdom does not come from usefulness or from meeting the standard but from existing in the world in his name. Our confidence comes from the certainty that all that He is is ours and enough — truly enough — for all that he has called us to.
Doubt easily becomes a staying friend, its voice loud, persistent. And while doubt is a needed part of faith, I am learning that there is a rock under my feet, a refuge that keeps me safe when the path is slippery, foggy and dark. That even when I doubt my usefulness, capacity, resources to do this job, I still belong among those who are called to make disciples and live in the name of the Triune God. This is the peace that is not like the world gives: knowing that somehow I am okay and will be okay no matter the outcome of my parenting efforts.
Our meeting the standard is not how Jesus fulfills his mission through us. His will is done in me when I throw myself at his mercy, and by faith and united to Him, trust him with each weakness, failure and sin so that he can live through me with all his authority, power and presence.
As we make disciples in our Jerusalem, right at home, our dear friend Jesus comes alongside us. He is our king, who commissions us to join him in his redeeming work, the work that reverses every impact of the curse, starting in us.
He enters each broken piece of our story, and by invading it with His resurrection life, His glory shapes us more and more, heaven comes to earth, and mercy gets the last word.
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Aylin Merck is a soulful and contemplative human who lets those traits color everything she does as a wife, mama, writer, coach, and soul care and trauma care provider. A Dominican-Palestinian, Aylin holds a rich cross-cultural perspective, having not only immigrated to the US but also lived in the Middle East with her husband and family for almost ten years. Expat life in many ways fits her like a glove. She thrives in collaboration and mutual partnerships, in companioning others in their healing journeys and in experiencing friendship with the Triune God through Jesus Christ. Her soul grows three sizes whenever she gets to read by a lake, savor laughter and heart-to-heart conversations with kindred friends, and listen to rain with a Highlander Grogg latte at hand. You can find Aylin on Substack.
