As we have reflected on our past year of transition back to our passport country, a few particular graces stand out as hugely impactful. I use the word “graces” because often, when transitioning back from an overseas life, certain elements are out of our control. The following list is not comprehensive, and these are not ways in which we planned well or succeeded. These are simply elements that assisted in the smooth transition for our family, by God’s grace.
Some of us may have needed to leave in times of chaos or crisis, when it is exceedingly challenging to have any space or time to think with intentionality. There is so much grace for transitions like these. So take what is helpful here, and leave the rest.
Leaving well. We are grateful for resources written for returning cross-cultural workers. In one such resource, I was given basic principles that helped shape how our family could leave our field in a healthy way.
We prayerfully sought wisdom on how to fairly offer our household furnishings to those in our community. We made a family bucket list of some of the last places we wanted to see, or special places to revisit. We planned many dinners, coffee dates, playdates, and intentional times with friends, church family, and coworkers.
As others have written about before, we prayed through the RAFT concept, considering if there were any relationships to repair. When it came time to leave, though our whole family would have loved more time with many of these dear friends, we were relationally ready, and gratefully did not leave with any looming conflict hanging over our heads.
Having a job lined up. There were a couple of different seasons while we lived and worked overseas when we were tempted to transition back, but in the end, we did not feel God was releasing us. Looking back, we are so grateful we waited for His guidance and particular timing. In our transition, we had time for my husband to candidate for pastoral positions as God was leading and prayerfully walk through this process with others praying for us.
When it came time to physically leave our host country, we knew where we would eventually be moving and what job my husband would next be doing. This shaped so much of our transition and provided essential stability when so much of our lives seemed at sea.
Prioritizing a soft landing for our children. Some friends of ours who transitioned back to their home country a few years before us helped shape this priority for us. My husband, an adult TCK, knew firsthand the many challenges for TCKs transitioning back to passport countries, and had specific hopes for our children. We prayerfully considered what part of the country in which to land, how far from family, what size town, what kind of schooling, etc.
In the middle stage of candidating with churches, we brought our children (ranging from seven years to twelve years) into the conversation and asked them to pray for God’s direction for our family. When it came time to make the final decision, we sought their perspectives and waited until each child was onboard with leaving. God truly orchestrated a soft transition for our children, and we settled into a small church with a great youth pastor and youth group, in an area with abundant opportunities and natural beauty.
Stepping into a supportive church community. We have loved being a part of so many churches through our cross-cultural years of service and have been supported deeply by some of these churches. Stepping into pastoral ministry meant that we were stepping directly into a new church community, and one that has cared for us genuinely.
In the beginning months, they sought to meet many of our practical needs, helping to fix up the home we moved into and providing many basic household items. There have been a core group of people who have understood on some level what it is for our family to transition from a decade of living and working overseas, and have cared well for us through prayer and intentionally checking in. This church has shaped the majority of our new community in this early stage of transitioning, and has been a blessing.
Being willing to wait on God. Even with all of these listed graces, there have still been many moments of angst and wondering. While my husband jumped into a new, defined role at our church, I have struggled with the identity loss of cross-cultural worker and wondered what is next for me personally. We have considered all of the schooling options and struggled to find a community like the one we left. We have prayed constantly for friends for our children.
At one point, about eight months after we left South Africa, I was deeply anxious about some of these issues, and just felt my spirit couldn’t settle. After an interrupted night of sleep, I sat with my cup of coffee, journal and Bible, and cried out, what am I to do, Lord? Almost audibly, He said, “You wait for me. Have I not provided in the past?”
Hot tears ran down my face as I realized all of the many ways He had indeed provided and cared for us in all of the previous years, for the whole of my life. Be patient, and wait. None of these angsty issues needed to be answered right now; I needed to wait on Him, for His leading and provision.
This biblical principle of waiting has since shaped my perspective. When I look back on our time overseas, I am keenly aware of the painstaking years it took for a sense of rootedness in our cross-cultural context. God provided deep friendships and meaningful community, good work and productive ministry, but not all at once, and some of these took years to fall into place.
We know our transition journey is far from over; and yet, we are grateful at this stage, one year in, to be able to see the goodness of God and significant ways in which He aided our repatriation process. It is an incredible grace to think back on all that God has done in these past twelve months, not only for our family, but for those we left and those we’ve come to join.
If you are on the cusp of transition or thinking ahead to what God has next for you, my hope is that you are encouraged. God is with you, He is leading you, and He will provide for you.
