How Do I Make Goals for 2017 When I Know I Can’t Meet Them?

Missionaries are experts in high expectations.

I mean, who else has a job like this? Most of us went through a stringent interview process just to get here. Pages of applications, hours of interviews, weeks of training, our references were asked for more references. We are held up as examples of godliness. We have high expectations of the kind of people we will be.

And then, once we are accepted, our pictures are placed in the foyers of churches and on family refrigerators all over the country. We are paraded around like celebrities. Not only are we expected to write strategic plans every year and submit them to our supervisors and our supporting churches, but then we are required to write monthly reports to hundreds of stakeholders. If it feels like they have really high expectations for how we will perform, well, our own expectations are probably even higher. After all, if we are going to sacrifice so much, if we are going to ask others to sacrifice so much on behalf of us, then we better see results.

Based on our yearly goals (or you could call them glorified New Year’s Resolutions), and the amount of accountability we receive, missionaries should be the world’s most productive and healthy people. And really, the world should be saved by now. Right?

On one hand, I’m thankful for this aspect of missionary life. I am a goal-oriented person, and I like the accountability. I think it’s a great thing to think long-term about how we are going to accomplish what God is calling us to do.

On the other hand, we just never reach those expectations, do we? We move overseas, and it brings out the worst in us. As a spouse. As a parent. As a friend. As a minister to others. And as for our ministry? What we felt called to do? What we felt called to be? Well, that just never goes as we planned. And sometimes it’s even a total disaster.

So how do we find that balance? How do we set goals for ourselves, for our ministry, when we have experienced disappointment and failure? When we’ve been betrayed by too many friends? How do we temper the anxiety of not being able to reach the expectations of those who are holding us up?

After 15 years as a missionary, it’s true that my early idealism was smashed a long time ago. You know those times of wonderful rejoicing, when all is going the way it should? Well, it just takes one stumble, one new piece of information, and suddenly it all falls apart. What seems like a happy ending can still turn tragic in the end.

Does this make me cynical? It can, sometimes. But I’ve also been around long enough now to learn that sometimes the worst things—when I feel like all is lost—well, sometimes in the end they weren’t such a big deal after all. Or even if they were, God can beautifully redeem them.

I have learned to just trust. John Piper writes, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” So yes, we do need to plan, we do need to dream big, we do need to work hard towards God-centered goals. But in the end, we must remember that this is God’s work, and He will do as He pleases.

I love these words by Andree Seu Peterson: “Only God sees around corners, and therefore it is very wise to not try to figure out our own way to happiness and safety by relying on our own understanding and worldly wiles. The wise person will trust in God’s ways and stick to them, knowing that life can get messy in the middle, because the person who makes God his trust, the story will turn out well in the end, in the very, very end.”

Maybe you’re looking at 2017 with dread. To you, I say: Be faithful. Keep getting up in the morning. Keep doing what God has called you to. Keep walking out your front door, even if it’s terrifying. Keep showing up, because that’s often the most important part. Or maybe you’re looking at 2017 with great anticipation. To you, I say: Be humble. Be excited, but hold it all loosely, knowing that things aren’t always as they seem.

And in all of it, trust the God who sees around the corner. We might try to write our story, or at least figure out the ending, but He is the one who already knows it. And He knows how He wants to get us there. Set your goals, keep your eyes on Him, and find joy in the journey. In the very, very end, we know the story will turn out well.

In 2017, Get to Know Some Dead People

It’s a noisy, noisy, noisy world out there. If you’ve got an internet connection, you have access to a screaming torrent of opinions and crises and politics and yummy recipes for some no-bake-easy-prep-3-step-totally-awesome-cheesy-enchiladas.

And that, my friends, is why we need dead people.

Some time ago, I decided that I needed to balance my reading list with some not current authors. I needed to spend some time with folks a few generations removed. I needed some mentoring from history.

I’d like to encourage you to try it too.

Because if we only read Chan and Platt and Claiborne and Mayfield and Brown and so on, we’re missing something huge. We’re missing an old reservoir of tremendous depth.

I’m not saying you should stop reading modern books (or blogs like A Life Overseas!), I’m just saying, we’ve got to balance the new and modern and URGENT stuff with some long-standing, foundational writings.

After all, wisdom was building her house long before people started tweeting in the eaves.

The Danger of Thinking We’re the First
Have you ever seen someone who thinks they’re the first one? And they’re so not?

For example, some folks act like “social justice” wasn’t even a thing before they were born. By all means, these folks should read Claiborne and Caine, but they can’t forget to read Bonhoeffer, Augustine, Carmichael, and Aylward. These old folks were hardcore long before most of us were even born.

When we think like this, when we think we’re first, we blind ourselves to the wisdom of others; we deafen ourselves to the lessons they learned while living and fighting. And dying.

And that’s exceptionally stupid.

Being first has a sort of romantic ring to it for sure, and it makes us feel important. But it also unmoors us, and it’s usually just not true.

It disconnects us from our history and the bigger story. And the longer I live abroad, the more convinced I am that one thing we MUST do is remember that we are part of a much bigger story.

Remembering that our part is only one part of a grander story insulates from despondency when things go poorly and prevents arrogance when things go splendidly.

It is a Small Place we must visit regularly.

A New Thing?
Creativity is awesome, and we should come up with new approaches that adapt to changing demographics and emerging technology. God is certainly the King of the Dawn.

Isaiah gets quoted a lot this time of year: “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

But we can’t forget Isaiah’s neighbor, Jeremiah: “This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.’” (Jeremiah 6:16)

Want to keep your faith alive and growing in 2017? Remember that God is the God of the living and the dead. Anticipate the new things and walk faithfully in the old things.

Try It
For every living author, read a dead author.
For every new book on missions or missiology, read an old book on missions or missiology.

Here’s a check: Think about the last five books or articles you’ve read. If all the authors are still alive, you’re missing out on a very special treasury I call “wise dead people.”

If there are local stories of older (even ancient) believers in your region, find them and read them. Connect your story to theirs. Help new believers learn about and connect with these stories too, as a vital part of their spiritual heritage.

In this age when so much data is accessible so easily, it would be a shame if we never accessed the long view of those who’ve gone before us. We need them, the writers, thinkers, Showbox App Download and believers from ages past.

So, may God indeed do a new thing in you and your family and your ministry in 2017.
And may you not be surprised if some of the new things look like ancient paths.

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Who are your favorite non-living authors?

How do you deal with the overabundance of screaming current information?

15 Questions To Help You Set “Relationship Resolutions” In The New Year

After we got married and moved overseas five years ago, my husband, Mike, introduced a concept that initially horrified me. He suggested that every year around New Years we name one thing we’d like each other to work on in the upcoming year. In essence, he proposed that we assign each other a New Years resolution.

I spent weeks trying to decide what I would say to Mike that first year. I felt like I had to pick something serious. Momentous. Life changing. And I fretted about what he was going to say to me. What awful, embarrassing, character flaw was he going to spotlight and ask me to work on?

When the night finally came, this is what he said: “I would like you to please pay more attention to not scattering your stuff all over the place the minute you walk in the door.”

I was so relieved that this was what he picked, I laughed at him. But I now think his choice that first year was wise. He started small—a pet peeve that annoyed him out of all proportion to the actual offense, but something easy for me to agree to work on. And ever since then I have tried (with varying degrees of success) to be more mindful of keeping my clutter out of common areas.

Now that we’re several years down the track of our relationship, this little tradition has begun to serve an additional purpose—it reminds me that New Years resolutions shouldn’t just be about what I want to do (or not do) as an individual. As I take stock of my year in December, I should also be thinking about how my relationship with Mike is going and how we could improve it.

There are all sorts of things we can aim to do to build happier, healthier relationships. Here are just a couple:

Practice kindness
Laugh together more
Say what’s on your mind
Tell your partner what you want and need
Ask questions
Play together more
Practice really listening
Spend more time together
Talk about tension points (like money, or sex)
Give each other undivided attention (with no cell phones lying handy nearby!)
Be quicker to apologize
Practice forgiveness

The trick with setting resolutions, however, is to focus. If you try to do everything on this list you’ll probably end up accomplishing nothing new in the long run. So be strategic. Take stock of your year and your relationship, and then pick one or two things you really want to work on. Add this to the one thing your partner has asked of you and craft your New Year intentions around this trio of aspirations.

Ready to get started? Great. Here are some questions for you to think about and discuss this month in the lead up to Christmas and New Years.

Answer yourself

Answer these questions for yourself, and then set aside some time to share some of your answers together.

Pick three words that describe this year.
What are four things from this year that you are grateful for?
What is the habit you would most like to stop next year?
What is one habit you would really like to start next year?
What are two things you and your partner “did well” in your relationship this year?
What is one thing you would like to do with your partner to improve your relationship next year?
Pick three words you would like to describe next year.

Ask each other

Now, take some time to ask each other these questions and discuss the answers.

What were some of your favorite moments this year?
What is something you have really appreciated about me this year?
What is something I could do to support you well in this upcoming year?
What is one thing you would like me to work on this year?
What is something you’d like us to work on together to improve our relationship?

Setting relationship resolutions

Congratulations!! If you’ve asked and answered all of the questions above, you’re ready to set some relationship resolutions for next year. Use these questions to help you:

What are one or two things (not more!!) that I really want to work on this year in my relationship?
What is one thing my partner would like me to work on?
What might these things look like in action (e.g., if you want to practice kindness, what might that actually look like on a daily basis)?

Your turn…

Do you set New Years Resolutions? If not, what do you do to mark the turning of a new page in January?
Leave a comment and let us know, or share some of your answers to the questions above.

Looking Forward and Looking Back: Planning for 2014

It’s almost the New Year, folks! I’m in Udon Thani, Thailand right now, on a three-day holiday away from Laos. My last life lesson of 2013 might just be that 4 people sharing one hotel room when two of them are under three = ¼ the sleep. My two year old just refused to eat breakfast, lay down on the floor of the hotel dining room and started screaming for his crib at 9am.

Man, days when I’m this tired are the days when I find myself looking at my own child with something close to envy. I wish someone would pick me up, make sure I’m warm and dry, and put me to bed to let me sleep as long as I wanted.

But, since I can’t sleep because the baby will soon need to be fed, let’s talk about 2014.

Have you done any planning for 2014 yet? Have you thought about the important life lessons that 2013 had to offer you? Have you made any New Years Resolutions?

I think some Christians, sometimes, neglect to do things like set goals and make plans because they feel that they need to stay open to God’s will. Sure, I think we always need to be open to changing our plans if we feel led (or prodded) in that direction. However, I also think that not thinking about the future and not setting goals means that you’re probably not being as proactive and intentional as you could be about how you’d like to “grow and use your talents.”

When I talk about goals I’m not just talking about them in the corporate sense of tangible achievements. To borrow language from Mary Oliver, I’m talking about the whole range of our desires and intentions related to this one wild and precious life that we’ve been granted.

Goals, for me, aren’t just about how many books I want to publish this year. They are also about the qualities I would like to develop more (or less) of. They are about personal disciplines I’d like to cultivate, relationships I would love to see grow, and how I want to get ever-better at living fully present. They’re about growing towards the sort of person that I want to become.

Being thoughtful in setting your goals (and taking some time before the New Year really picks up steam to think about how you might actually achieve them) makes it more likely that you’ll follow through and accomplish your goals next year.

So as we all look forward to celebrating the dawn of another year, I’ve got two lists of questions for you to answer this month. One list will help you reflect on 2013. The other will help you plan for 2014.

LOOKING BACK: 2013 IN REVIEW

Before planning for the future it’s always wise to pause and consider the past. If you don’t take time to consider where you’ve been, setting smart goals related to where you want to go becomes much harder. It also becomes harder to identify your progress and celebrate real achievements. The whole exercise can leave you feeling rather empty.

Take some time to answer these questions about the year that’s just ending before you start thinking in detail about the year to come.

Pick three words to describe 2013
What was the best thing that happened this year?
What was the most challenging thing that happened this year?
What were the two biggest areas of stress in your life this year?
What were the two biggest sources of joy and refreshment in your life this year?
If you’re in a relationship, what is one thing you and your partner “did well” in your relationship this year? What is one way you and your partner could have “done better” in your relationship this year?
In what ways were you able to contribute something meaningful to others this year?
What are two things you achieved this year that you’re proud of?
What is one thing you would have liked to achieve this year but didn’t?
What are some ways you disappointed yourself this year?
What books did you read or experiences did you have this year that helped you become a better version of yourself?
What were five of your favorite moments this year?
What are five things from this year that you’re grateful for?
What are two important lessons you learned/relearned this year?
How did you see God at work this year?

LOOKING FORWARD: 2014 TO COME

Pick three words you would like to describe 2014
Given what you experienced and learned in 2013, what are two things you could do (or do differently) to reduce stress and increase your own resilience?
What is the one habit you would most like to stop this year?
What is the one habit you would most like to start this year?
What are two ways “character strengths” you’d like to grow in this year? What specific steps could you take to develop these strengths?
How would you like to “live out your faith” this year?
If you could only ask one thing of God for this upcoming year, what would it be?
If you could only “do” one thing for God this upcoming year, what would that be?
What is one thing you’d like to learn this year?
What is one thing you’d like to do more of (or do better) to take care of your physical health?
What is one thing you’d like to do more of (or do better) to strengthen your relationship with your partner this year?
What is one way you could better support a friend(s) or be of service to your community?
If you could only do one big thing this year, what would it be?
How will you keep yourself accountable and track your progress on these goals and aspirations?

Phew! If you’ve answered all of those questions then you’ve probably crystallized some important experiences and lessons that 2013 had to offer and outlined some hopes and dreams for 2014.

I don’t know where the dawning of the New Year will find you, but I know how I hope it finds you – feeling well-loved and loving well, and excited about the new adventures and wondrous mysteries headed your way in the next 365 days.

Happy New Year!!

Will you join me in reviewing this year and planning for the next?

Leave a comment with your favorite “reviewing and planning” question, or share with us an insight or goal from your own planning.

Lisa McKay – author, psychologist, sojourner in Laos
Blog: www.lisamckaywriting.com Books: Love At The Speed Of Email and My Hands Came Away Red