Tag: processing

Don’t Lose the Lessons: Processing Travel Moments Overseas

A year ago I shared a story with you about my experience in Vietnam and the beautiful moment I had with Jesus during a drive along the South China Sea. It was a way of processing and debriefing through writing. In fact, putting that moment into words helped me uncover the way my travels through Vietnam had impacted my heart.

I’ve been life coaching for three years now—representing hundreds of hours of sitting with clients. In sessions I often hear about a trip or vacation or place or moment, whether from years ago or a more recent time, that was integral in someone’s healing or recovery. I hear stories of faraway places, unknown destinations, and hidden secrets in countries around the world. I even hear sweet, healing moments from sitting on a park bench or visiting a coffee shop or finding a cute bookstore in the town where you live.

As a coach, I’ve been able to speak at conferences and hear face-to-face about how impactful it was to learn something through people, cultures, and the history of a certain place. I’ve participated in online webinars, courses, and retreats, knowing that everyone who attends is pulling out unique insights, highlighting growth points, or even forging hopes for the future. 

But what happens when the trip ends or a term closes or a conference is over? What does everyone do to let it sink in or make a difference?

I’ve always thought there might be a gap between the work we do, the things we participate in, the places we live, and the very real, very important lessons we are learning along the way. Many of us have:

  • Piles of forgotten conference notes
  • Book never read
  • Workshops never applied
  • Journaled prayers with hopes and dreams undefined
  • Moments with Jesus that lose momentum in the pace of a busy life
  • Stories that don’t make the newsletter
  • Personal growth that lags or fades without marking the experience in some way
  • Places traveled that we can’t always share about

I’m learning that having a process for verbalizing or remembering or intentionally going back through the travels, places, and moments is extremely needed and helpful for personal growth, healing, recovery, self-awareness, and spiritual health. 

This is even more needed in global work. We get to see amazing things, visit incredible sights, and drive unbelievable roads with the most beautiful views. We also see the hardest, poorest, unsafe, and truly difficult places. As workers, we have opportunities to meet, have tea, and talk with precious, unique people.

We need to remember, to be challenged in our professional and spiritual and personal growth. We need accountability to be purposeful and intentional with the things we see and the lessons we learn so we don’t forget the impact of it all.

God speaks to us through these experiences. He’s using this global life to work in our hearts, show us more of who He is, and become real to us in powerful ways. 

Are you paying attention? Are you allowing it to grow and change you? Have you forgotten the wonder of this global life? Has it all become so normal that you’re missing what He’s showing you?

Personal growth can happen in the moment but more often, it’s after, sometimes long after the trip or the journey that we experience something that our mind, body, or nervous system remembers.

I can think of a specific moment in Honduras a couple years ago. I was talking with someone and turned to look at a garden at the same time my nose smelled the flowers. My eyes welled up with tears, and I immediately felt the impact of missing a home I’ll probably never see again. I’d moved quickly and my time in that home ended without a healthy goodbye. This moment in Honduras was grief, nostalgia, hope, and longing to explore and process. The tears were saying something important that I needed to journal and pray about.

There was another moment in Texas, seeing a store that I recognized from South Africa. I felt memories and feelings in that store that I didn’t know I still felt. I needed to mark that moment somehow and give myself permission to feel it. I stepped into the store and felt transported back to another mall in another place across the world. I could see a pencil bag that I’d had overseas. I could read phrases that meant funny things in British or South African English. My heart remembered so many things in that small store.

I’m guessing that you’re feeling some of this as you’re reading this post. There might be a trip you remember, a place that still hurts to think about, a smell that instantly reminds you of a specific moment in time. 

Purposeful coaching, centered around these things, can be a healthy part of processing. From being new to the field to re-entry back into your passport country, reviewing your travels can reveal such valuable information and personal growth points.

All of this is why I love the idea and practice of a life coaching session or season of sessions to intentionally break down the travels, go over the notes, look for the lessons, and plan for purposeful future trips. Travel coaching can be specific to things you’d like to process or trips you’d like to debrief.

Having a coaching session scheduled can help give you space to process, debrief, and give opportunity for God to meet you in this global life. There are multiple ways that this can help solidify the daily lessons of living abroad. It can be helpful for men, women, and even couples together.

Travel coaching is for those needing:

  • Recovery and Rest
  • Healing and Renewal
  • Personal Growth
  • Spiritual Growth
  • To Mark a Life Milestone
  • Sabbath Practice
  • Debrief of Travels or Journeys
  • Discernment

Now that your mind is thinking back through flights, long bus rides, broken down carts, bumpy taxi rides, and questionable hotel or hostel stays, let’s do a little practice of processing what you’re remembering.

A Few Questions for Reflection or Journaling:

Before you move on to the next trip, team meeting, language lesson, ministry responsibility, or travel plan, take a few moments to consider:

  • What place or experience comes to mind immediately as you read this?
  • What emotions surface when you think about it?
  • What did God show you there that you haven’t wanted to forget?
  • What lesson did you learn that deserves more attention, thought, or prayer?
  • Is there a conversation, prayer, grief, joy, or celebration that still feels unfinished?
  • What part of your global life are you taking for granted because it has become normal?
  • What memory keeps returning to you, and what might it be asking you to pay attention to?
  • If you were to journal about that experience today, what would you write?
  • If you could share the memories, lessons, experiences, and trials with someone, how would it feel to say it out loud?

You might even set aside fifteen minutes this week to revisit an old journal entry, scroll through photos from a trip, reread your newsletters, or simply sit quietly with the Lord and ask, “What was happening in me during that season?”

The places we’ve lived, the people we’ve loved, the roads we’ve traveled, and the experiences we’ve had are not insignificant. They are part of the story God is writing in us.

Don’t rush past them.

Pause. Remember. Reflect.

And pay attention to what He might still be saying.

Honestly, it’s one of the biggest gifts of this global life. So take the opportunity to dive deeper into what you’re learning, where you’re growing, and what feels like it might be missing.

The Power of Art Processing for TCKs

by Megan C. Norton-Newbanks

I grew up attending international schools: one in South Africa, one in South Korea, two in Germany, one in Japan, and one in Israel. As a U.S. Foreign Service family, we moved to another country every two to three years, and one school elective I always looked forward to was art class. 

Art classes were a safe space for me, and I loved learning about all the techniques and textures I could discover with different mediums. In my final year of high school, I took AP Art, and my capstone theme was “the journey we take.” I explored this theme through the lens of growing up as a Third Culture Kid. I crafted molds of shoes from clay and self-portraits from torn magazine tones. I used recycled materials to showcase movement and change. Most of these creations remain in my parents’ house and remind me of how I’ve continued to create in different ways.

What I have found in working with TCKs across the world is that we gravitate to art to articulate our stories. Various art forms, from visual renderings to photography to poetry, often capture our stories in ways that essays or books cannot fully capture because we are more focused on the process rather than the outcome. Through drawing, painting, and other forms of making, internal experiences become visible and tangible, offering a way to process change and better understand one’s story.

Some of my favorite processing with TCKs is done through inquiry-based art. Instead of asking them to verbalize or write out the cultural influences that have shaped their identity, I provide a blank piece of paper or other art medium where they can express their “many selves.” It can be helpful to provide simple prompts such as, “What might belonging look like as a place?” or “How does home feel?”

In my own experience, engaging with art has provided a way to revisit moments of transition and identity that I did not fully understand at the time. There were feelings I could not name as a child, such as grief over leaving, confusion about belonging, and the tension of holding multiple cultural worlds, and yet when I began to create, those experiences found expression. Understanding often came through the process, not before it. It became less about creating something to show and more about creating in order to discover. 

Sometimes there can be resistance to engaging with art processing. I often hear, “I can’t even draw a stick figure” or “I’m not an artist.” But art expression and processing is more about curiosity than skill. There is no need to share or explain the outcome unless you want to. At the same time, sometimes it can be helpful to reflect afterward with a few gentle questions such as: What stands out to me? What surprised me? What might this be saying about my experience?

There is something universal about art that transcends culture while still honoring individual expression. Jemina Watstein, an art educator, explains in The Belonging Project podcast episode, “How Creative Kids Navigate Life Between Cultures,” that children across the world move through similar stages of artistic development, yet their environments shape how they create and what they express. For globally mobile individuals, this often results in a rich blend of influences that reflect their unique journeys. Activities like blending patterns, symbols, or artistic styles from different cultures can help make this diversity visible.

Within families, art processing can encourage meaningful connection. Simple creative practices, such as collaboratively creating a shared artwork that reflects each person’s experience, can help children process transitions, build emotional awareness, and maintain a sense of belonging even in the midst of change. In these spaces, art becomes more than expression. It becomes a bridge between stories, identities, and relationships.

When I met the very talented artist Simona Wiig, a fellow TCK, we connected over our creative practices. She has done research and held art exhibitions on the interrelationships between belonging, identity, and a multicultural upbringing. Together, we have offered workshops to TCKs to express their stories through various art mediums. We love hearing about how multimedia art inspires TCKs to share their feelings of home and belonging.

Last year, Simona and I released the book A Work of Heart, a collection of over seventy artistic expressions from Third Culture Kids, Cross Cultural Kids, and global nomads. Each piece is paired with personal reflection, forming a powerful mosaic of identities and memories. 

Several families report using this book as a debriefing tool with TCKs and family members by inviting thoughtful reflection in considering questions like:

  • Which art piece resonates with my own story?
  • What memories or personal experiences do these art pieces bring to mind?
  • In what ways might this content be inviting me to view my story differently?

The book ultimately serves as an invitation to think about your story differently: through art. You do not need to be an artist to begin. A simple sketchbook, a favorite pen, or a small creative practice can become a steady companion wherever you are in the world. In the act of making, you find space to process, to connect, and to belong.

Simona and I are already seeking contributions to Volume 2. Please consider submitting your piece here.

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Megan C. Norton-Newbanks, MA, MS, is an author, CCK/TCK consultant, intercultural trainer, podcaster, and writer. Megan grew up in six countries and has since lived in four more as an ATCK, in addition to six U.S. states. Her book, Belonging Beyond Borders: How Adult Third Culture Kids Can Cultivate a Sense of Belonging, equips and empowers readers to recognize their cultural competencies and apply them in various contexts. Megan also spearheaded the books Letters Now Sent: A Collection of Letters from the Globally Mobile and A Work of Heart: A Collection of Artwork from Multicultural Individuals. In 2022, she launched Beyond Borders Publishing, a platform committed to amplifying cross-cultural voices and stories.

Glancing in the Rearview Mirror

by Jessi Bullis

I was in my first car crash in May 2023. I had just gotten off a flight and was too hungry to complete my 90-minute drive home before eating (there always seems to be those awkward lengths of time between meals on flying days). It was pouring rain, and I pulled off at an unknown town in search of a late dinner. Traffic was coming up on a stop light, and while we all seemed to slow down quicker than anticipated, I came to a stop with room to spare. Glancing in my rearview mirror, I noted that the car behind me had enough space to fully stop. 
   
Less than a second afterwards, I felt the impact. I later found out I was actually the third car to get hit from behind in a four-car pile-up. 
   
Before that moment I had never really thought about getting hit from behind. It wasn’t a concern. For some reason I just had a lot of trust in other cars around me. Maybe it’s because I grew up in countries with incredible drivers who could fit four cars to a road, squeeze through any narrow street, and make lane switching in traffic jams look effortless. Or maybe it’s simply because I hadn’t yet experienced it.

 

Focusing on the Rearview Mirror

For many years, the way I “processed” the heavy (and even exciting) emotions that came with my Third Culture Kid (TCK) experience was to simply disregard them. 

The announcement would come that we were moving to another country, that yet another friend was leaving, or that the thing I was looking forward to was cancelled because of some complication with living abroad. And I would just shut down. Try to put on a blank face. Spew out some platitude about God’s goodness.

I would tell myself, “Emotions make you look weak and only get in the way of moving forward.” So I just kept pushing on, driving forward while never looking back. 

Years later, once my body very suddenly and drastically had its fill of painful circumstances going unprocessed and I developed an autoimmune disease, I was forced to look back as though I’d been hit from behind. In response, I began doing the heavy lifting of truly honouring my experiences and allowing myself to finally feel the waves of emotions that came with long-ago moves and crises.

As I realized just how much my refusal to process had stunted my emotional growth, I completely pendulum-swung from my “shoving down” mentality. I felt like I couldn’t move forward unless I had completely processed every single block on my Grief Tower. 

I was trying to gain control of something, anything, because I felt so very out of control. Suddenly I was trying to drive while only looking through the rearview mirror. 

As you can imagine, it was terribly painful. I became burnt out on grief processing and eventually learned that there needs to be a balance of intentionally looking back and intentionally looking forward, while also acknowledging and enjoying where I’m currently at. 
   

Taking in All Angles

In my grief-processing journey, I’ve learned something surprising. No matter how good you are at the balancing act of processing past grief while still looking forward, sometimes you get unexpectedly rear-ended by past grief that you thought you’d dealt with. No matter how much I check my mirrors, no matter how good of a driver I am, and no matter how safe an area I seem to be in, I’m not immune to being hit from behind.

We can feel like we are managing life well, just driving along. But then something from our past sneaks up behind us and taps us on our bumper – or maybe even causes a full collision. 

My car has been my safe space. It’s where I’ve done all my most profound processing. As an introvert, I have found I have the clearest thoughts in my car because it’s one of the few places I can find absolute solitude. It is in this space that I feel completely free to perform my “scream-singing” as I blast music to release any intense frustration, agony, and joy I may be feeling (my go-to song for emotional release is “Life is a Highway” by Rascal Flatts, which seems all too fitting here). 

But after this accident I was nervous about even getting into my car. Suddenly my safe space felt dangerous. And when I did drive, I spent a lot of time nervously surveillancing my rearview mirror in fear that I would be hit from behind again. When our past comes knocking, it can feel disorienting. 

This is where I anticipate you saying, “Great, so you’re saying I can never fully relax? My past will never be fully processed?” What a terrible thought. And no, that’s not what I’m saying.  Rather, remember that life has ups and downs that are outside your control, and it’s not your fault. 

I often felt that when my past came back to haunt me, it was my fault — that clearly I hadn’t processed well enough. I felt ashamed that my “ghost of Christmas past” was returning for a visit. 

Control is something we TCKs tend to struggle with. After years of losing friends and community and stability over and over, seeking out “control” can feel desperate and hopeless. 

Yes, we can’t be in control of everything, but we can choose to give ourselves grace as we remember that the waves of life are not our fault. When we choose to remember that sometimes collisions just happen, the emotional weight of “fault” gets lifted. 

There’s only so much contingency preparation I can do, and there are only so many hours in the day for therapy and processing and – oh yeah – everyday life also. 

There’s a need to intentionally glance backwards. We cannot fully accept ourselves and move forward if we do not gently and graciously love our past selves. We need to take into account the circumstances we faced growing up because they are impacting the person we are today – how we make decisions, invest in relationships, and care for ourselves. 

It’s important to intentionally create space to process, whether it’s taking a Saturday afternoon to journal or do an art project while considering processing questions, talking with a friend, or sitting down with a counselor. (Check out this emotional processing activity guide for processing suggestions you can implement.) 

There’s also a need to steer forward. The rearview mirror should not be our focal point. There’s a reason you got in the car: you have a goal or endpoint in mind! We need to remember those goals as we move moving forward in hope. 

And there’s a need to be aware of who you are and where you are. Sometimes we just need to live life, not pull out another piece of our past to process, not plan the turn we’re going to make in five miles, but rather allow ourselves to be present and enjoy the moment.

For some months after the accident I had to be gentle with myself, evaluating my emotional stability and prioritizing self-compassion. It took time, but eventually my car became my safe space again, because I had allowed myself to authentically show up how I needed each day. 

Collisions will happen. Our past will come knocking throughout life. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed, and that doesn’t always mean we haven’t done enough processing. Yes, processing the past is important, but we can’t get stuck driving through our rearview mirror. We need to balance looking back and looking forward while remembering that sometimes life hits us from behind. And we can give ourselves grace for that too. 

Photo by Olga Nayda on Unsplash

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Jessi is an Adult MK who grew up in Singapore, England, Turkey, and Germany. She has a heart for TCKs and the unique struggles they face. She uses her undergraduate in psychology and a seminary degree in counseling to create resources and serve TCK and their families as the Director of Adult TCK services at TCK Training. Jessi loves getting to walk through the repatriation journey with Adult TCKs, as this season can be especially difficult to navigate. Her deepest passion is for TCKs to know and feel the love and goodness of God in how they are cared for.

Debriefing Resources

Debriefing

Thanks to the facebook followers of our A Life Overseas page we have a list of debriefing resource links. Please share any resources you have found helpful. We would love to bulk up the list with resources around the globe.

Other names for debriefing include: home assignment, re-entry counseling, member care, and processing for repatriation.

Christian Training Center International at The Inn (Franklin, North Carolina, USA)

Life Impact (various locations around the world)

Link Care Center (various locations around the world)

Mission Training International (Palmer Lake, Colorado, USA)

Missionary Health Institute (Toronto, Ontario, Canada)

The Rest Initiative (Maitland, Florida, USA)

TEAM (various locations around the world)

Thrive, empowering global women (various locations around the world)

TRAIN International (Joplin, Missouri, USA)

The Well Member Care Center (Chiang Mai, Thailand)

ONLINE:

Member Care Radio

Expatriate Connection

BOOKS:

“Re-entry: Making the Transition from Missions to Life at Home” by: Peter Jordan

“Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes” by: William Bridges

“Trauma and Resilience” by: Schaefer and Schaefer

“As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir” by: Kay Bruner

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As stated up top, if you have links to resources that could help in the area of debriefing, counseling for repatriation or re-entry, member care, processing for home assignment, or other related needs those living overseas might have, please share.  Thanks! Be well and take care, my friends.