What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “the gift of hospitality?” Maybe hosting, cooking, inviting, followed by eating, talking, and belonging . . . I tend to forget about the final phase of hosting, the clean up that’s involved! You probably also think about those who are coming and the hopes you have for an event.
While I value, believe in, and understand what a gift hospitality can be, I don’t have it. I used to avoid the subject and try not role my eyes when “the gift of hospitality” was mentioned at basically every women’s event, cynically doubting it was mentioned as frequently at men’s events. I digress, refocusing, what does it take to host? Guests!
Today I’m giving a shoutout to a gift that was never specifically named in the Bible. While I won’t go so far as to say it was an oversight, I can say with confidence I wish it were mentioned in the Bible. What gift am I referring to? The gift of guestpitality.
I became email friends with a fellow missionary after she and her family had relocated to Kansas in the United States. While I don’t live in Kansas, I travel through on occasion. We hoped that someday I could be a guest in her home and I said how much I love being a guest.
I went on to add that as outgoing and friendly as I am, in general I do not enjoy having people in my space, so I appreciate that she’d have me in her home. Instead, I (far) prefer being in other people’s space. If I recall our interaction correctly, she’s the one who coined the term “guestpitality.” As someone who enjoys hosting and having people in her home, she said that she loves when guests know how to be good guests.
A lightbulb went off.
I have the gift of guestpitality. Preferring to be a guest instead of a host isn’t a detriment! It isn’t a weakness. It can be a gift (thanks be to God, the giver of all good gifts!). Like all gifts, a preference isn’t a pass to not do something. Can I host? Yes. Do I host? Yes. So, you may prefer to host, but can you be a guest? Yes. Are you sometimes a guest? Of course.
Culture comes through loud and clear in hosting and guesting. (Can I get an “Amen!”) Once visiting a Chinese friend’s house, the cook came out of the kitchen saying dinner was ready. I cheerfully said I was hungry and how much I was looking forward to dinner; the room erupted in laughter. Nothing lets you know you’ve made a faux pas like three generations of a family laughing at you :)!
So, when I share a few principles of guestitality, adapt them for your cultural context. These are principles, not hard fast rules. The point is, we’ve all been around people who seemed oblivious to their impact on a gathering, or worse, when it comes to being a guest they are “aware but don’t care.”
Here’s the definition and 3 principles of Guestpitality:
Guestpitality is the practice of entering another’s space with warmth, awareness, and generosity of spirit.
One practicing the gift of guestptitality is able to:
1. Be grateful and present. In an age when so often people multitask or are tied to their phone, good guest are present and give off the vibe that they are glad to be there.
2. Pitch in when possible. Does the table need to be set? Does the cook need company in the kitchen? You don’t need to overthink or worry about this, it’s more the attitude that you are willing to serve.
3. See guestpitality as a kind of hospitality itself. You are able to add to the space and time as a “sweet aroma of Christ.”
I have no doubt I created a memory for my friend and her family. But it’s not just because I culturally blew it. I explained that being a good guest in my passport country “required” me to express my appreciation for the host cooking a meal and one way to do that was by saying I was hungry. They graciously explained that was not how guests behaved in their country and we all had a good laugh. (And I learned how to be a better guest at my next meal!)
Whether you have the gift of guestpitality or not, we will all be guests at some point. Here’s a prayer I wrote for us to use the next time we are invited to someone’s home.
A Prayer of Guestpitality (For the Guest, Before Entering a Home)
O God of welcome and warmth,
As I approach this door, prepare my heart.
Let me enter not with assumption,
but with appreciation.
Not to be served,
but to honor the hands that have opened this space to me.
Make me mindful of the gift of invitation,
the quiet cost of hospitality,
and the sacredness of another’s home.
May I bring peace into these rooms—
peace in my words, in my posture, in my presence.
Let me tread lightly, speak graciously,
and carry gratitude in every gesture.
Guard me from being a unnecessary burden,
allowing me to notice moments where I can be a blessing.
Help me leave behind
my pride, my distractions, and my hurry.
May I receive whatever is offered,
food, rest, conversation, silence
as enough, as holy, as grace.
And when it is time to go,
may I leave with a full heart.
Amen.
