One day perhaps I will write a book about life as a cross-cultural mission worker. Some parts of cross-cultural life certainly make for a gripping storyline, although a surprising amount of mundane, life-admin would undoubtedly come in-between. Each significant transition would form a new chapter.
As I look back over these last twenty years of cross-cultural transitions, I see common themes and plot threads to many of the chapters. Throughout, God, the author of all of our life stories, is writing a beautiful and complex narrative of his love and faithfulness through each transition and chapter. Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12:2), is present throughout the narrative and powerfully at work, writing for our good.
My narrative started in the UK. In adulthood there are a handful of short chapters on the coast of north-east Brazil, and since meeting my husband more chapters in Abyei, South Sudan. We are currently in a ten-year-long chapter in rural inland Brazil. Interwoven within the narrative are regular visits to South Sudan, and the addition of two new characters, our young TCKs.
I have never experienced so many changes and transitions simultaneously or in such quick succession as my family and I have in these cross-cultural move chapters. Some of the transitions were the result of our own decisions; some were unexpected or made by others. Some we prepared for, others we didn’t see coming, or were gradual and so we didn’t recognise were happening until we had the benefit of hindsight. In the life story of global mission workers, change is a constant and certain theme.
A chapter is a chunk of a narrative, not the whole story, and it leads us on in the plot arc. Just so with transitions, which make up a section of our life narrative. Transitions are like book chapters: they have a beginning, middle, and end. Each transition, like each chapter, has its own mini plot arc but is also part of a bigger story which unfolds as you read to the end.
The Beginning
The Transitions Bridge is a useful tool for understanding the stages and emotions of cross-cultural transitions. Transition is a move from one reality, or chapter, with its routines, characters, and plot arcs, to another. An initiating event or decision is the first step in leaving or moving onto the transition bridge.
My husband and I have found that transition starts when we first resolve to move or make a change; it begins with our mental shift from staying to going to something new. We have been in seasons of discernment where one or both of us have had to hold back on allowing our minds to make that shift. In imagining what could be if we made a certain choice, we turn the page and read ahead, pre-empting a decision and mentally starting a transition.
We need to learn to discern when the author is beckoning us on to the next chapter. Firstly, by keeping in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25), by being in tune with God, the author’s intentions and script. Turning the transition page to the next chapter is a spiritual journey of faith.
As a couple and family we also need to keep in step with each other, or to continue with the book metaphor, to read at the same pace. We intentionally remain in the same chapter to discern together, and with others, where and when the author has written the next chapter. Psalm 139:16 says, ‘All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.’ Our stories are a part of God’s bigger redemption story, which He has already written, and is working out throughout history.
Our focus shifts from the present to the future as we emotionally prepare ourselves to leave or transition. We can expect and plan for increased stress, anxiety, experiencing grief and loss during transitions, even whilst we feel excitement, joy, and energy at entering into a new chapter. I remember strongly experiencing regret and grief during a cross-cultural transition as a young single woman; twenty years later I often still experience a complex web of other emotions as I transition.
The Middle
It is normal to experience a series of different emotions throughout the transition period, before, during, and after a move/change, not just during the emotional farewells on the days leading up to and following departure. I regularly do emotional check-ins with my young TCKs using art, journaling, the transitions bridge, and other transitions tools to prepare them, and myself, and to process as we go.
Some characters and scenes remain important throughout a narrative; others mark a particular time but do not feature later in the story. There is wisdom in identifying which chapter we are in and in discerning what and whom we can and should take with us to the new chapter. Likewise, there is wisdom in knowing what to leave behind.
The end of a chapter and start of a new one is a good time for intentionality in reflecting and editing by debriefing. In some transitions we can make a prayerful choice of what and how to hold on to significant items, places, memories, and relationships. Other transitions are forced on us, a chapter we never wanted to end, and a new chapter we never would have chosen to start. A pre-packed ‘go’ bag, a memory box, and a safe place to which we regularly return, are a few ways we have tried to prepare for sudden chapter changes, whilst processing grief and loss can come both during and after.
The End
Global workers often consider ourselves to be professional movers. We have lived this chapter before. However, there is no timeframe for transition. We can be surprised when we perceive, after years of a globally mobile lifestyle, our slowness to adjust, or heightened stress and resistance to change.
Whilst each experience of transition is different, transition preparedness can help. Each member of a family may grieve and adapt to a new chapter at their own pace and in a different way to each other. Even within the same family unit each member may take a different timeframe to adjust and settle to the new normal.
Knowing the author, His writing style, and His greater narrative helps us find our place in his story. His redemptive, transformative story is written throughout our story. He tells His story through each chapter of our own story. Sometimes stories need to be written down so they are not forgotten. Let’s trust Him as we enter a new chapter. Let’s tell our story in a way which acknowledges and credits Him with authorship and leads others to the writer of all our stories.
