by Catherine Cooper
I have often been asked what it was like.
A bit of a loaded question is hard to answer.
My mind instantly darts off in a million directions
That the questioner does not perceive.
Which part?
To which city are you referring?
Do you mean spiritually?
Emotionally?
Physically?
Mentally?
How do I answer this question?
Life is like an unopened box.
It could be a card from your grandma.
It could be a chocolate goodie that you haven’t had in months because the country where you live does not carry that sweet treat.
It could be a mix of cookies that you rarely make because the ingredients cannot be found in this country.
A box of over-the-counter pills that you take to fall asleep at night,
A toy to help calm your nerves when there is just too much going on and you can’t think straight.
Maybe the box has all these things,
Maybe it has some,
Maybe it has none—but something else I dread.
You never know what you are going to get,
You’ve just gotta take the good with the bad.
I guess a part was good,
A part was bad,
A part I never understood,
A part I miss,
A part I don’t,
A part I will never know.
Some things make sense,
Some things do not,
Some things I never will understand,
But that doesn’t keep my mind from wondering,
“What if I had done it all over again?”
Maybe parts really weren’t that bad,
Maybe some parts were not really that sad,
Maybe I whined too much,
Maybe I did not love enough,
Maybe I did not do enough,
Am I good enough?
The burnout is real,
That is what they will never tell you.
They won’t reveal their secrets to you,
Fear keeps it in the dark.
A depression,
A fail,
For the faint of heart.
But I know that I can boast in my weakness
Because when I am weak then I am strong,
For it is Christ in me who gives me strength?
What could I have done differently?
Was everything a success?
Maybe.
But that is not really for me to decide,
I am just a vessel,
Just a lump of clay hoping to be molded by the Potter.
He knows what He is doing,
And with this I must say that I survived.
But to God be the glory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catherine grew up in Atlanta, Georgia. When she was a teenager, her family felt called to be missionaries in China. She spent her sweet 16 at the Great Wall. Throughout her life, her faith in God has ignited her passion for history and other cultures. Through her husband’s job she also spent time living in Italy and Scotland. Today she is a middle school social studies teacher and is excited for the adventure God has for her family. She enjoys apologetics, being a lifelong learner, and playing with her kalimba.
